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"nothing"

26 english spanish hikikomori

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Mood: disappointed in myself


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1 Comment— 3 Kudos

Agoraphobia maxing

Category: Blogging

It has been just over one year since I last saw another human being irl, including seeing people from the window and my face in the mirror. I think it's been about nine months since I last saw sunlight, without counting early morning light when the sun is just starting to rise and the sunlight that makes its way through the blinds. Maybe this is an accomplishment. The first time I spent a whole we... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

Pessimistic vent

Category: Life

I don't like being alive; it's embarrassing. I hate thinking; being forced to talk to myself. I have nothing to say! Feelings are a joke. You fool yourself for a while and then betray yourself. Whenever something happens, good or bad, I wish it didn't. No pleasure or pain is worth the event. Having a human body is the same as not existing. When the sky starts turning blue in the morning, I hide un... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

Messy May

Category: Blogging

I don't know what happened this month. It felt like a year, and I can't remember anything. If I had not been too lazy to blog on Spacehey, I would remember! » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

April curse

Category: Blogging

April has been the worst month of the year for the last 6 years. Something always happens in the early days or shortly before, and then I lose my way and can't recover until next year. What happened this year is Ada no longer wants me to cvt myself for her and now has a girlfriend. It happened a while ago, but I feel worse about it now. It has not been as bad as most Aprils. The problem is just th... » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 6 Kudos

Friendship is tragic

Category: Friends

Someone I haven't spoken to in over a month messaged me the other day to tell me I was the only one who ever understood her. I don't know what she was talking about. I don't understand anyone, especially not her. I would message her back, but I don't want to disappoint her. She misremembers what I'm like. That's a good thing. Later that night, a different friend asked me what I hoped for from frie... » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 4 Kudos

I should cut my hair

Category: Life

I've always wanted to have long hair. As a kid, my parents didn't let me. As a teenager, they let me decide but pressured me a lot to keep it short. At 19, I finally stopped cutting it. I didn't know having long hair required any maintenance, so it never looked as good as it could have because I never brushed it, but it looked good. I was lucky to have naturally good hair, but it didn't last long.... » Continue Reading

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— 6 Kudos

I miss my mom

Category: Life

I live with my mom. The last time I saw her was a year ago. I live with my dad and sister too. I only leave my room after they go to bed and return before they wake up. I started shutting myself in my room after an incident where my mom brushed against me in the kitchen. A month earlier, my mom touched my arm deliberately, and I started screaming. These two events made me realize being in the same... » Continue Reading

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2 Comments— 8 Kudos

My friend has amnesia and has forgotten me

Category: Friends

I have a friend I always either talk to too much or not enough. She hit her head badly a few years ago. Since then, she has had false memories. She often talks about her past and then clarifies she doesn't mean her real past. We haven't spoken for a few weeks. She's suddenly forgotten tons of stuff like how to take HRT, what anime is and that I exist. Ada, who is a mutual friend with all my friend... » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 6 Kudos

Too late for unghosting

Category: Friends

I used to use Twitter a lot. I left nearly a year ago. Several people wanted to stay in contact with me, but I ghosted them. It wasn't deliberate. I never actually decided I didn't want to talk to them anymore. I've been procrastinating texting them back for ten months. I think it's too late now. It must have hurt when I abandoned them. If I come back, I will reopen the wound. Maybe they have good... » Continue Reading

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5 Comments— 17 Kudos

Pro-ana doesn't mean what it sounds like

Category: News and Politics

For many people in recovery, openly discussing what living with an eating disorder entails can be detrimental, so what most support groups allow their members to share is very limited. This kind of environment seems to help many people, so I think it's good that it exists. But I also think there should be a space for the two types of eating discorded people that it excludes: people who are not try... » Continue Reading

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2 Comments— 12 Kudos

The real meaning of the term deadname

Category: Religion and Philosophy

Nowadays, many trans people have supportive families, but in the recent past, this was unthinkable, and it still is for most trans people. A trans person may live their whole adult life using one name, but in most cases, if they have a gravestone, the name inscribed on it will be another. Thus a trans person's chosen name is their alivename, but for most trans people worldwide, their cis name will... » Continue Reading

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1 Comment— 5 Kudos

What I did in March

Category: Blogging

I haven't s3lf h4rmed in 3 weeks. I watched 68 movies. My favourite was The Spirit of the Beehive. There's a scene where a child tries to strangle a cat. The cat scratches her and escapes. Then she paints her lips with the cat's blood. That's the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. I started crying so loudly I was scared my parents would ask me if I was okay, but they were polite and ig... » Continue Reading

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