Agoraphobia maxing

It has been just over one year since I last saw another human being irl, including seeing people from the window and my face in the mirror. I think it's been about nine months since I last saw sunlight, without counting early morning light when the sun is just starting to rise and the sunlight that makes its way through the blinds.

Maybe this is an accomplishment. The first time I spent a whole week without seeing or being seen by anyone, it made me very depressed. That was five years ago. Now I feel fine after a whole year. I no longer miss meat-space interactions. When I see videos of humans online, it's like seeing something from another world. I accept that I don't belong in that space, and I don't feel bad about it.

I hate my body and society; they make me feel lonely. Thanks to the internet, I can interact with others without a physical barrier between us and I don't have to follow as many rules. I still feel lonely because I still have to live with myself even if no one sees me, and I have not reached enough enlightenment to stop thinking about the parts of the outside world I don't like, but I'm making progress.

What concerns me is I know I can't live like this forever. My anxiety at the thought of other people's bodies, being perceived, sunlight and open spaces never stops growing. The question always on my mind is how much longer can I live like this? Three years? Thirty years? Three months? I have no idea. They all seem plausible. My parents could have enough of this at any time. I could decide to change my ways on my own at some point.