The real meaning of the term deadname

Nowadays, many trans people have supportive families, but in the recent past, this was unthinkable, and it still is for most trans people. A trans person may live their whole adult life using one name, but in most cases, if they have a gravestone, the name inscribed on it will be another. Thus a trans person's chosen name is their alivename, but for most trans people worldwide, their cis name will be their name again once they die; that's why they call it deadname.

The tragic meaning of the term becomes clear when you lose a loved one who never came out to their family or was rejected by them. I lost someone a year ago; one of the first thoughts I had when I found out about their death was: oh my God, they are going to bury her with a man's name. Only her online friends knew she was trans and why she died. Her parents won. They got to define for eternity who she was.

Death dysphoria is the anxiety some trans people feel when worrying about how their gender will be perceived after they die. Will my corpse look feminine or masculine? What gender will people remember me as? What will the official records say? When I see an image of a dead body, the first thing I think about is my gender.

So many trans people die young. So many trans people die in the closet. So many trans people die unaccepted by anyone. Then it's as if their transness never existed. Being dead is a part of the trans experience that people don't talk about enough. Trans and cis people are not equal in life but are even less equal in death.