I should cut my hair

I've always wanted to have long hair. As a kid, my parents didn't let me. As a teenager, they let me decide but pressured me a lot to keep it short. At 19, I finally stopped cutting it. I didn't know having long hair required any maintenance, so it never looked as good as it could have because I never brushed it, but it looked good. I was lucky to have naturally good hair, but it didn't last long.

When I was 23, my mind and body kind of broke down. All at once, I had tons of health problems and became more depressed than I had ever been before. I don't know if one thing caused the other. Both started at the same time. The cause was most likely prolonged distress over the years, disordered eating and a sudden increase in loneliness -I went from talking only to my family to not talking to anyone.

One of the things that happened to my body is my hair started falling out. It was pretty shocking because I always had lots of hair, it was very thick, and there isn't a history in my family of early hair loss. At first, my hair started falling out in chunks. I would find it everywhere. My physical health eventually returned to normal, and after about a year and a half, I felt more tolerable levels of sadness again.

My hair stopped falling out in a noticeable way. I thought it would eventually grow back, but it's been several years now. It's weird that it doesn't get worse or better.

I wanted to have long hair to seem feminine. I did for a short while. For a few years, shut in my room, I looked the way I wanted. I wish I had at least one picture of this period, but I never took any. I don't look like a girl anymore. I look like a 60-year-old hippie man.

My hair is one of the main reasons I always feel bad. I think shaving my head would make me feel a lot better. It would be devastating but would probably not grind me down in the same way as the disappointment my super long but terrible hair makes me feel every day.

I can't do it after 7 years of not cutting it. My hair reaches my thighs. Once I shave it, it will never be that long again. How can I say goodbye to that forever? No matter how bad it looks, I can't cut it.