Too late for unghosting

I used to use Twitter a lot. I left nearly a year ago. Several people wanted to stay in contact with me, but I ghosted them. It wasn't deliberate. I never actually decided I didn't want to talk to them anymore. I've been procrastinating texting them back for ten months. I think it's too late now.

It must have hurt when I abandoned them. If I come back, I will reopen the wound. Maybe they have good memories of me. I don't have the social abilities I used to. If we talk again, they will think: "Why did I ever like this person?" "Why did you come back and ruin my opinion of you?"

There is one person, in particular, I admire. We only dmed a few times, but she was a big part of my life and has continued to be on my mind all this time. Although I made no attempts to return, I assumed, without any reason, that we would be good friends in the future.

I've found out from Ada that she ran away from home five days ago. She is still missing.

My mom believes the few times she discovers my self-destructive behaviours are the only times they happen. She's glad I never leave my room because she thinks I'm safe if she can't see me. I thought this was insane, but I'm the same way. I know all my friends are mentally ill, but when I ghost them, I think their lives are on pause and that I can return whenever I want, and nothing will have changed.