"Struggling With My Neurotic Tenancies "
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Category: Life
It’s now the 9th. It’s been such a depressing breakdown since Halloween. I finally was able to cry this morning. I was so overwhelmed that the tears just wouldn’t come. It wasn’t until he really started to fuck with my head and show me how much he doesn’t respect me that I just really lost it. Maps by the Yeah, Yeah Yeahs came on and I finally hit my wall. The tears started coming and just wouldn... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Today has been an absolute shit show. I don’t even know where to begin!?! Let’s just hop right in and address the fact that my meds are just not strong enough to handle this level of stress and anxiety. I’m in denial and pushing everything so deep down. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? That’s what I have to tell myself to remain employed through all of this. I’m sure my friends are over hearing ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
So I fucked up. I got into a fight with C. He broke up with T but was still spending 3 nights a week there for like a month anyways. I had finally had it. I got shitty with him and he dumped me. He insisted they aren’t sleeping together, but when I threatened to out him for cheating he goes “if you have ever loved or care for me, please don’t do this”…. He would beg for the girl he supposedly dump... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
It seems the only butterflies I ever feel are that of heartbreak. That dancing breathless tickle in the upper left side of my chest that kills me as I realize everything is so incredibly fucked up and wrong. Going off my medication, I knew I would struggle with the highs and lows. What I didn't anticipate was the return of the physical pain. I forgot what it felt like to be heartbroken. Antidepres... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Ughhh..... Yesterday we met up and had an amazing day. He really spoiled me. Everything was fine until I told him how incredible I thought it was. I don't think it was the same for him, but I don't know why. I told him I would like to talk about what being more than friends would look like .... Fucking ghosted. I got ghosted. All day. I brought him dinner because that was the plan yesterday. He ... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I'm shaking.... I have nowhere to turn and I just feel so helpless. People offer help until it's time to pull through, to act on it. I'm a single mom with a two year old trying to get him away from his abusing father. And I'm utterly and completely alone. I'm terrified and it's just too much. Today I brought up how P has abused my son and he hit me with "you've done it too"... The wind was kno... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
These long pauses without talking kill me. When I send messages and you leave me on delivered. The wheels in my mind begin to turn. Why is it that I'm constantly left on delivered when your phone never leaves your hand. You never want to snap me back. At one point we were besties, now I don't even make your list. Yesterday you asked me if it was okay if you and T (the ex) remain friends. Today ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I'm breaking my own heart. I got addicted to feeling worthy. I got addicted to feeling attractive, to feeling wanted. I got addicted to all the magical things that you said and did to make me feel like I was the one. I was so blinded by seeing what I wanted, what I needed, that I blatantly ignored the facts in front of me. He was overcompensating for the fact that he loves her more, and cheap... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Well ... Here I am again venting to the Internet about my problems. I want to tell him to just go and eat a dick. I'm nauseated. I logged in earlier this morning, maybe 4am, to create a post about how head over heels crazy I am for C. Then today in my car he hit me with "I want to freeze my sperm and get a vasectomy". I'M SORRY, WHAT!!???? » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Tylenol is a fucking miracle of a drug. I had both my wisdom teeth on my left side pulled today. Sweet Jesus, I've never tasted so much blood. They say it takes 2-4 hours for you to stop bleeding. It took me 8. I'm tired of looking at blood. So naturally, my period is a week late, and the day i get my teeth pulled I'm finally cramping... Ugh! The irony. My body waiting until I'm already bleeding... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I made the biggest mistake of my life this week. C and I hit a rough patch. It took me about two weeks to get back into his good graces. During that timeframe I was sad and lonely. Facing total and utter despair. I went online to put my thoughts out there in an anonymous way. The app I used allowed for DM's. I unloaded my whole trauma dump on some random dude. Half texted him being nice for about ... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I'm on the hook. I was too accessible. I put out too quickly. I fucked up. I did something wrong and I don't know what. He's half ghosting me. I wish he would cut the cord, or jump right in. I can't do this half assed shit. Now, he whom always has his phone in his hands, doesn't want to talk to me. He used to jump at any chance to talk to me. Now, nothing. Today I poured my heart out to him and... » Continue Reading
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