"Struggling With My Neurotic Tenancies "
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Category: Life
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am simply just destined to be miserable. It’s as simple as that. I don’t even want to deal with these men. I fucking hate all of them. Selfish man-babies. I’m just over it. I hate my life and I just don’t want to do this anymore. I will just never be good enough to get what I want out of life. The love, the affection, the good treatment. Everyone says they car... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
…. Where do I begin?? It’s been a while. I guess I should start off with the fact that I’m pregnant. It’s C’s baby. I love him more than anything. I found out in January. That being stated, I’m in too deep. So after we found out I was pregnant, C’s house got robbed. He asked me to move in with him and I was overjoyed. So I brought over my most treasured possessions to begin moving in…. Well… the ... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
Well, I took a pregnancy test on Monday the 13th and it was positive. I’m about 4 weeks. C was over the moon about it, I think. He at least seemed happy to my face. I think under the surface he is scared, but I’m not sure. My first son was born in the 13th, so I guess it’s lucky for me in some ways. This might be my second child, but again, my instincts are to just run. Just like when I was pregn... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
This week has been really hard. I’ve made a lot of mistakes at work and I’ve just been feeling really confused in general. I was tasked with updating a bunch of articles at work and one of them did not update properly, resulting in the person reviewing then to get really shitty with me stating that mine was the only one that was “blatantly wrong”. Another coworker came over and was talking about ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
It’s now the 9th. It’s been such a depressing breakdown since Halloween. I finally was able to cry this morning. I was so overwhelmed that the tears just wouldn’t come. It wasn’t until he really started to fuck with my head and show me how much he doesn’t respect me that I just really lost it. Maps by the Yeah, Yeah Yeahs came on and I finally hit my wall. The tears started coming and just wouldn... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Today has been an absolute shit show. I don’t even know where to begin!?! Let’s just hop right in and address the fact that my meds are just not strong enough to handle this level of stress and anxiety. I’m in denial and pushing everything so deep down. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? That’s what I have to tell myself to remain employed through all of this. I’m sure my friends are over hearing ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
So I fucked up. I got into a fight with C. He broke up with T but was still spending 3 nights a week there for like a month anyways. I had finally had it. I got shitty with him and he dumped me. He insisted they aren’t sleeping together, but when I threatened to out him for cheating he goes “if you have ever loved or care for me, please don’t do this”…. He would beg for the girl he supposedly dump... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
It seems the only butterflies I ever feel are that of heartbreak. That dancing breathless tickle in the upper left side of my chest that kills me as I realize everything is so incredibly fucked up and wrong. Going off my medication, I knew I would struggle with the highs and lows. What I didn't anticipate was the return of the physical pain. I forgot what it felt like to be heartbroken. Antidepres... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Ughhh..... Yesterday we met up and had an amazing day. He really spoiled me. Everything was fine until I told him how incredible I thought it was. I don't think it was the same for him, but I don't know why. I told him I would like to talk about what being more than friends would look like .... Fucking ghosted. I got ghosted. All day. I brought him dinner because that was the plan yesterday. He ... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I'm shaking.... I have nowhere to turn and I just feel so helpless. People offer help until it's time to pull through, to act on it. I'm a single mom with a two year old trying to get him away from his abusing father. And I'm utterly and completely alone. I'm terrified and it's just too much. Today I brought up how P has abused my son and he hit me with "you've done it too"... The wind was kno... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
These long pauses without talking kill me. When I send messages and you leave me on delivered. The wheels in my mind begin to turn. Why is it that I'm constantly left on delivered when your phone never leaves your hand. You never want to snap me back. At one point we were besties, now I don't even make your list. Yesterday you asked me if it was okay if you and T (the ex) remain friends. Today ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I'm breaking my own heart. I got addicted to feeling worthy. I got addicted to feeling attractive, to feeling wanted. I got addicted to all the magical things that you said and did to make me feel like I was the one. I was so blinded by seeing what I wanted, what I needed, that I blatantly ignored the facts in front of me. He was overcompensating for the fact that he loves her more, and cheap... » Continue Reading
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