Solemn Hypnotic

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"Struggling With My Neurotic Tenancies "

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Mood: I just want to be good enough for you 😭😭😭😭😭


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Kindly Eat a D*ck

Category: Life

Well ... Here I am again venting to the Internet about my problems.  I want to tell him to just go and eat a dick.  I'm nauseated. I logged in earlier this morning, maybe 4am, to create a post about how head over heels crazy I am for C. Then today in my car he hit me with "I want to freeze my sperm and get a vasectomy".  I'M SORRY, WHAT!!???? » Continue Reading

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Pulling Teeth

Category: Life

Tylenol is a fucking miracle of a drug. I had both my wisdom teeth on my left side pulled today. Sweet Jesus, I've never tasted so much blood. They say it takes 2-4 hours for you to stop bleeding. It took me 8. I'm tired of looking at blood.  So naturally, my period is a week late, and the day i get my teeth pulled I'm finally cramping...  Ugh! The irony. My body waiting until I'm already bleeding... » Continue Reading

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Curiosity Killed The Courtship

Category: Life

I made the biggest mistake of my life this week. C and I hit a rough patch. It took me about two weeks to get back into his good graces. During that timeframe I was sad and lonely. Facing total and utter despair. I went online to put my thoughts out there in an anonymous way. The app I used allowed for DM's. I unloaded my whole trauma dump on some random dude. Half texted him being nice for about ... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

All the things I wish I could say, but can't, because you aren't really around

Category: Life

I'm on the hook. I was too accessible. I put out too quickly. I fucked up. I did something wrong and I don't know what.  He's half ghosting me. I wish he would cut the cord, or jump right in. I can't do this half assed shit. Now, he whom always has his phone in his hands, doesn't want to talk to me.  He used to jump at any chance to talk to me. Now, nothing.  Today I poured my heart out to him and... » Continue Reading

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The Sobering Reality of a Healthy Dose of Jealousy

Category: Life

Her.  I'm not the jealous type, but he won't seem to move. He says he wants to leave her. He says she's not the one. That he worships the ground I walk on. That he would do anything, be anything, to have me. Yet he spends his time making plans and seeing them through with her.  My situation is admittedly more complicated than his. He can just move out. He can just up and leave at any time. I can't... » Continue Reading

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Where do I begin?

Category: Life

Where do I begin? This last month has been a whirlwind. I’m so fucking happy about it.  I’m in love. So unequivocally wrapped up in all that he is. He’s incredible. A true partner. I honestly believe that I have found my twin flame, which is CRAZY! He’s so much like me that it’s sickening. Down to the cookies we like. It sounds stupid but we agree on so much of the same stuff. Life could be easy, ... » Continue Reading

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If it’s such a beautiful thing then why the f*ck don’t I feel it???

Category: Life

Today C spent time talking about the miracle of life and bringing a child into this world. How magical and beautiful it is. This was not my experience at all and hearing this so often kills me.  K had her baby. Her first one (and she’s so perfect). She talked about how beautiful her birthing experience was and how she was meant for this (being a mom). The envy is glaring.   I just feel so robbed. ... » Continue Reading

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— 2 Kudos

To My Darling Son

Category: Life

My Darling Son,      They say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes. They say you see everything you have ever done. Every decision you have ever made. Every sad moment, and every happy one. Of this I am certain. In my last moments before I depart from this earth, I hope you know that my final thoughts will peacefully rest within the memories of these very days I get to spend with ... » Continue Reading

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Writing

Category: Life

I’m writing again. After an odd streak of writers block. Scratch that, a lack of time and energy. Not so much a lack of passion. I’m publishing on pocket FM under a pen name. I hope my stories can take off. I write because I like it, but it would be nice to have someone…. anyone….. appreciate my work!  Fingers crossed.  I uploaded my first chapter. I need to get to 10 chapters before they start do... » Continue Reading

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Randomness 1/14/24

Category: Life

I feel like I have had so much to say over the last couple of weeks. I felt the muses of the written word calling me. The gentle nudge that grew into a full force shove, only to be ignored. Now it’s 2:21am in a snow storm, and I am drawing a blank. I want to be writing more and expressing more of my feelings. Getting it all out there. Shamelessly, I might add. For now though, aside from checking i... » Continue Reading

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The Limerence

Category: Life

I’ve always considered myself a bit of a dreamer, but lately my ADHD has been on overdrive.  I’m obsessed with something so incredibly unattainable. I know it’s unattainable, but it doesn’t make me want it any less. It’s been all I can think about for more than a month. It’s been in the back of my mind for years now. I have made my decisions and come to vehemently regret them. This is not usual fo... » Continue Reading

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Thoughts of the Day

Category: Life

Thought of the day: I am always happiest around people who share my birth week. From family to best friends, I just like these people more than others. There… I FINALLY said it.🥵 I’m not one for astrology, but I do wonder if there is some kind of explanation there. With that in mind, I am missing Tyson, Cody and Katie a lot this week. I miss the characters and sins of my youth most.  Next thought:... » Continue Reading

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