What Doesn’t Kill Me

Today has been an absolute shit show. 

I don’t even know where to begin!?!

Let’s just hop right in and address the fact that my meds are just not strong enough to handle this level of stress and anxiety. I’m in denial and pushing everything so deep down. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? That’s what I have to tell myself to remain employed through all of this. 

I’m sure my friends are over hearing about everything. 

My anxiety is through the roof. I’m shaking, literally. 

And the worst parts haven’t even happened yet. I think that’s the bitch of the situation. 

Give it a week, maybe two. I’ll get replaced if I haven’t already been yet. That’s when my shit Will actually hit the fan. He’s gonna run right back to his ex, or maybe push to become something with some other bitch he’s probably been talking to this whole time anyways. 

And giving each other all our stuff back. I hope he keeps it, or burns it, or throws it away. I don’t care. Just don’t send it with me. For the love of god please just don’t.  

I have yet to hit my breaking point and I’m so beaten down already. I’m so over “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”. This one just might actually be the death of me… or earn me a one way pass to the looney bin. 

God please just make it stop.

All of it. 

I just can’t.