Pulling Teeth

Tylenol is a fucking miracle of a drug. I had both my wisdom teeth on my left side pulled today. Sweet Jesus, I've never tasted so much blood. They say it takes 2-4 hours for you to stop bleeding. It took me 8. I'm tired of looking at blood. 

So naturally, my period is a week late, and the day i get my teeth pulled I'm finally cramping...  Ugh! The irony. My body waiting until I'm already bleeding profusely to bleed even more. Just when I'm over looking at blood for a while

I've considered asking C what he would do if I was pregnant. I think he would be mad. We joke about it sometimes in a breeder kink sort of way, but he really broke my heart this weekend. Here's the whole backstory:

My birthday was this week. It was on Monday. I had plans to go to lunch with C on the Sunday before. Spent all day waiting. He said he "wasn't feeling good" around 11am and cancelled on me. I then had dinner plans with my best friend A at 9pm. At around 6-ish C told me why he didn't feel good.

 Apparently on Saturday night he caught the girl he's supposed to be dumping and moving away from talking with a guy he told her to stop talking with in the past. T is a stay at home girlfriend and plays a lot of DND. This guy was one of two in her DND group that she was basically sexting. He called it "ERP". Anyways, they fought, decided on an open relationship maybe 6 months ago, and that's how he met me. One of these men came back around and started talking with T again. The Saturday before my birthday, he found that with one of these two men, T had hours long discord calls with. She had deleted discord conversations and text messages from him. C caught on Saturday night that they were still talking. He went through her phone and discord. This upset him so bad that he flaked on taking me to lunch for my birthday. Ironically, I instead spent the day comforting him over snap. He hates when I call myself the "side chick" ...  but nothing reinforces that you are, in fact, a side chick quite like the guy you're dating blowing you off because he's sad over his live in girlfriend. The one he is supposed to be leaving. He moves to a new apartment in two weeks and it's supposed to be without her. We will see. 

That was a huge blow to my confidence and also a reality check. I was kind about it though and I probably shouldn't have been. I don't know what ever made me settle for such mediocre love. I struggle from a sore lack of confidence I suppose. I'm also way too compassionate to put my foot down about what I deserve. I love him, and he was hurting. I put his needs first. I kind of hate myself for it though. 

Anyways, I have a keyring from C on my keychain. One day, probably 3 months ago, I said we're going to make tamales together. He was so excited that I knew how to make tamales that he said "marry me" and threw the ring at me. It was the cutest thing practically ever. I kept the keyring. We've been having trouble, but I took a photo of it while I was out at dinner with A and sent it to him with the caption "I'm still hopeful". I didn't hear back from him for the rest of the night. Then on Monday at work he half serious, jokingly  said "You wanna get married? I'm gonna put a baby in you" then rubbed my tummy. I love when he does this and he hasn't done it since before the photo. It was his way of showing me that he's thinking about our future too. I thought maybe I went too far sending it, but now I don't think I did.  

We've been talking about our alone time at his new apartment all week. I'm a lustful being... I would be lying if I said I didn't want it. 

Past all of that though, i took care of him all week. I got him lunch, brought him snacks, water and candy. Was a good side chick I suppose. No, I was just a good friend.

Then today I got my wisdom teeth pulled. He offered to bring me some weed candy. My husband, whom I'm divorcing, decided to come outside and meet C. He has no idea C and I are a thing and C despises him for how he treats my son.... So that was awkward but probably necessary. P was adamant about meeting C though. Part of me wonders if he suspects that C is who I'm leaving him for. He would be wrong though. I'm leaving him for my son. I'm leaving him for me. C is around but came into the picture long after I had decided to leave P. So I hope they can both get along for my son's sake. C is so incredible and would make a great father figure to my son. Something tells me getting these two to get along in the long term will be like pulling teeth though. Bloody, painful, and with permanently scars.