Curiosity Killed The Courtship

I made the biggest mistake of my life this week. C and I hit a rough patch. It took me about two weeks to get back into his good graces. During that timeframe I was sad and lonely. Facing total and utter despair. I went online to put my thoughts out there in an anonymous way. The app I used allowed for DM's. I unloaded my whole trauma dump on some random dude. Half texted him being nice for about a week. During that same week, C and I got back in good terms and things were nothing shy of magical.... We were on top of the world. Meanwhile the convo I was half interested in with my rando culminated In him sending me a photo of his underwhelming Richard 🫣. 

C just happened to be poor and asked me to order lunch. I had GrubHub up and passed my phone along. Somehow he ended up finding said photo. 

His world collapsed. He ran to the bathroom and I'm pretty sure he cried. I broke his heart. I broke his one rule. He keeps saying we will be the same, but he's pulling back now and I think it's actually over. 

I wouldnt have gone looking for comfort or guidance if he would have been better to me. Still, he didn't deserve that. My friends think it's less than a coincidence he found it in my phone. I just don't know.  

All that I know is that I have lost him for good this time. He's pulling away and I know he won't come back. Not really. He's too nice to just cut me off completely. He's gonna half ghost me until I give up. Maybe I'm already there. I just don't know. He keeps changing his mind about things. All I know is that I regret looking for places to confess my guilty thoughts. Curiosity about a stranger and being too nice to just block him when it seemed like he just wanted sex literally killed my chances with the love of my life. 

FML