Laugh out loud I have no idea how to start this without it being so blunt. I just finished reading some of my last entries up until "2nd year". Anything past that would probably make me vomit. I have no idea what kind of void has sucked the life out of me and where it went but things are definitely a lot different than they were a year ago. The beginning of second year was fine until shit start... » Continue Reading
recently ive been hearing a lot about death and also having a lot of close calls (many cars have almost hit me as of late for some reason) one day you can literally just die, something in your artery explodes or your liver screenshots and thats it you're gone. No way to save you, no way to prevent it, no way to know. Or you do know and you have to dread that day, living everyday on eggshells? Or i... » Continue Reading
Im reminiscing. Things this year got really weird. Developed such a fucked thc tolerance that i feel absolutely nothing anymore. dated and hashtag failed. cut my hair a few days ago. end of first year is barely memorable. what did i even do in the summer. second term after midterms was dreadful. im doing better now... i feel like im on some sort of brink, that there is something needing my immedia... » Continue Reading
Second week of school. Not drowing yet. Surprisingly, im doing pretty good. I'm not on top of everything but I am managing. I've been meeting a lot of new people and learning a lot more about being social. Sometimes I worry that my personality is overbearing or I am too loud. Today I met someone who others would probably describe as overbearing or loud, but I think they're so funny and cool. Over... » Continue Reading
This summer was just another summer. Will I hate that sentence in the future? I have no idea what the future looks like for me, in any aspect at all. Is that a bad thing? Personally or generally? Either way I'll talk about summer more in depth later this month. However I did learn a handful of things about myself over the last few months. 1. I will be learning forever. Godddddddd why can't ever... » Continue Reading
Tw: death Since the suns out and it's the summer, I've been seeing a lot more of alive, dying, and dead animals in my neighbourhood. When something or someone is alive we usually take it as face value; you are living and breathing with a life that only you can fully understand, comprehend, and live. I see bunnies running around my area a lot. I always try to pay extra attention to them as they r... » Continue Reading
My birthday was on Sunday. 19 19 19:))) The few days leading up to my party on Monday was pretty hectic. I'll probably have more parties (if I have a job). I hope people had fun, I did for sure. I think my friends are all just enjoyable people to be around. I smoked a bit (bday exception rule) and had a lot of weird realizations. That this is the aftermath of a party- it's over, the musics gone,... » Continue Reading
As I am approaching my 19th birthday I'm getting kinda existential. I have nothing to show for 17-18. Spent a lot of that time on drugs. Now that I've spent most of my time sober (1 month off weed) I've realized this just has to be a once in a while kind of thing. I like my life present. I like being there fully. I always feel guilty that I do not create as much as I used to. That a lot of my te... » Continue Reading
Deal with it! LOL (I am not being srs) (or am I) Feeling super weird after last night. Took a certain plant. Cried a lot. Lots of stomach pain. I wanna do it again soon but alone probably so I can get comfortable. Meowwwwww. It was good at the end. » Continue Reading