"wishing"
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Category: Blogging
His arms are like forgiveness. That moment when he pulls me close to him and lets me nuzzle into the crook of his neck is a breath of air under water. It's like eating a warm meal after a day of going hungry. Perhaps my inability to forgive myself stems not only from letting him down, but myself down too. I can't do anything without making it a million times more difficult for myself including lo... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
God I cannot stand myself. I cannot stand my words or actions and neither can those around me. I should send myself off to some mental hospital somewhere and rot away or something I don't even care. I wish I thought before I spoke then I wouldn't hurt his feelings. He's the sweetest boy and I'm just the worst. It's no wonder he wouldn't marry me. He told me not to hurt myself out of the blue last... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
There's nobody home. Whether I'm small enough to fit in someone's arms or big enough that they push me away, that never really changes. My head hurts so bad and I'm so hungry but God I don't want to eat. I hate myself which is the worst of it all. I don't blame anyone for what they said to me last night I feel like I'm responsible for it all. I'm a fucking loser. I don't have anything to offer hi... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Blogging
Having an itch at the back of your throat at school is the equivalent of being stripped of skin and doused in lemon juice. You either must face embarassment by coughing or twisting your face to do a pitiful job of hiding it. Yesterday, my mother found a kitten crossing the fourway intersection down by the hotel me and him booked a room at earlier this year. It can't be any more than six weeks old... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I really suck when it comes down to self assurance or convincing myself I'm really worthy of anything I have. It doesn't matter how good things have been, if I find so much as something to perceive as bad, my mind takes it and runs until it's out of breath or blatantly proven wrong. I really do wish I could get genuine mental health help to learn how to live with such awful anxiety and all the wei... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
My free trial gym membership ends Thursday which absolutely sucks, but it's only Tuesday today so everything's all right. I'm thinking about ditching class today to go to the gym and while I'd scold anyone else for being so irresponsible, I think I need it. I'm just so done with uni and homework and anything else regarding it I feel so burnt out and midterms haven't even hit I don't know what to ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Alice Munro was so right when she wrote her story "Passion." Intimacy is not just limited to sex or even conventional ways like kissing or hugging. It's when we walk slowly to match each other's pace. It's when he sticks his tongue out after cracking a joke. It's when I read things off of signs for him when he can't see them from far away. It's the little things. Up until I met him, I believed qu... » Continue Reading
Category: Books and Stories
I started this one summer morning. It's kinda like an excerpt from a bigger story, but what that is I don't know. Maybe I'll make this idea into a full book one day, but I'll see. .profile-pic:before { content: url("https://www.clipartbest.com/cliparts/dc7/eyy/dc7eyybRi.png") » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Class yesterday was like the cherry on top of the terrible school week sundae (it's rat poison flavored). We were supposed to workshop other people's stories, but one of the them was just absolutely awful. It read like a shitty booktok book. Everything in this piece was just a classic textbook case of how NOT to write. Boring plot. Terrible execution. Janky dialogue. Half of it was just fucking ex... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
It's an hour til midnight, but I just can't seem to sleep. I am restless like I've always been. Thinking about the strangest things. Like, what if I was meant to be born into a dog's body and my soul was switched around? Not in a weird furry, therian creepazoid way, but in a spiritually way if that's even possible. I want to be scratched under my chin, I want to lay down in a sun beam, and I want ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Bored at uni rn so I'll yap here. I guess for the most part, I've adapted pretty well to being by myself. Moreso than I was 2 years ago that's for sure. I used to think being alone was the worst thing ever; like it was some kind of exile or public execution. There was always a level of shame I attached to it. Everyone is capable of even basic conversations. What's wrong with me? But as I've gotte... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I keep having weird dreams. For as long as I can remember, my dreams have come to me in droves and all at once. I can go months without a single one, but then when I get one, all of them seem to follow. I dream every night for a week or two and then sleep returns to that silent, dark memory. I usually dream about the people in my life. Like last night, my first dream was just me going to the gym... » Continue Reading
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