Journal #15

I'm a little tipsy, but I want to write. 

I'm listening to the playlist me and him made of songs we'd like to cover when we get our band sorted out. I still remember that night, laying on my stomach feeling the downy softness of his blanket on my elbows, my side pressed against his thigh, and the way he kissed me when I said hearing Weezer out in public always brought along thoughts of him. I also remember the night I added Dreams by Fleetwood Mac onto my playlist. I grew up listening to my mom's music sometimes and that was included among The Cranberries and Coldplay. But it wasn't until he played it on his tablet when fretting over what he'd need shipped to his hotel in San Francisco that I started really listening to it. I remember we spent like nineteen hours together the night before he left and I didn't leave until midnight the morning he was supposed to get going. I should've pieced things together much sooner lmao. 

I love my little cat. I've been slacking when it comes to giving her attention in wake of my sister's new kitten, but nothing beats unwinding after a long day than cuddling with her as I fall asleep. She puts my plushie collection to shame with how sweet she is. When we lived back at the old house and I was still getting used to going to a new school, she'd bring around this long haired tuxedo cat which we assumed was her boyfriend. We'd have to chase him off and he stopped showing up after we got her spayed. I wonder if she ever dreamed of love like me? I know she's a cat, but I wonder if her love of adventure stemmed from an unrealized dream of having a family. Maybe I'm humanizing her too much. I wonder if she misses her mother. 

There's a stigma around alcohol hanging around the house. My parents think its trashy when I go out to drink with my boyfriend even though the worst thing we've ever done drunk is the tamest thing we've done romantically. I don't really care what they think as long as they never find out when I drink or that he's my boyfriend. It's coveted, our love. My parents would use him against me to bend me to behave like I "should" and my friend overseas doesn't understand what it is about him I'm attracted to. Goodness, I could go all night listing what it is about him I fell for. But I believe it's better that the people in my life don't know the whole of it as they wouldn't understand. And that's okay, just rather lonely at times.