"writing/thinking/studying"
'04
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Category: Life
I always have crying episodes at night. Whether it be because of stress from recent events, old wounds, or completely made up scenarios that I pray to God wouldn't happen. But most of the time, its because of the scenarios. Dire situations. Moments of desperation. Inklings of rage shining through a calm facade. The most common are usually me reaching a boiling point and lashing out. S ome of the m... » Continue Reading
Category: Travel and Places
I just remembered that I never got to write anything during my vacation or after. I guess I can't really blame myself after suffering severe nausea and motion sickness. I couldn't really think straight. Then for the next few days, all I had to think about was how to fucking survive because while I admit the landscape was great, the company absolutely fucking wasn't. If I wasn't thinking of what to... » Continue Reading
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
@ everyone who has something to do with NBC's Hannibal: when is the next season ? I feel like I get edged every single time Bryan Fuller or any other person who has something to say about season four says something. God, please, this is fucking torture. Actual legitimate torture. Netflix, I know you're kind of shitty but you're rich so will you just buy Hannibal and let Fuller do his magic, pleas... » Continue Reading
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I've begun to look for therapists to go to. I've been on the fence about therapy for a while now but recent events prove that I really need it. I won't talk to my friends because there's just too much to say to start from the beginning. I talk to my aunt but our disagreements are becoming too much for me. That's not to say she hasn't been my literal rock these past few years. I'm just saying that ... » Continue Reading
Category: School, College, University
I miss having some level of familiarity with my classmates. The pandemic began during my last year of senior high school but it was easier because I've already met and worked with my classmates in person. Now, during my second year of college, I realize just how much the pandemic screwed me over. I'm not a social butterfly but I try to make friends and thankfully, I do. It was never easy but I mis... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Why do I feel so sad? I've achieved what I set out to do. I'm now studying my course of choice after almost two years of persuading and arguing. But why do I feel so empty? It hasn't been a month and yet I already feel a considerably heavy weight on my shoulders and in my hands. It feels like a heavy weight was taken off them just to be replaced with something heavier and bigger. Aside from the co... » Continue Reading
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
I remember the show as either a very dim fever dream or really pleasant sleep paralysis. One scene that I think about a lot because of how fucking hilarious it was was when Will BIT OFF a chunk of Cordell's FACE, spat out that piece of flesh onto his plate, turned to Hannibal looking like he regretted every decision he made in life, and Hannibal's sitting there, staring at him with the biggest pai... » Continue Reading
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Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
I don't want to forget everything. Ever since I discovered the DNR or "do not resucitate" order, I've been very interested in other orders that involved the person who gave it not wanting to be revived or saved once they are put in a life or death situation. There's a beauty in having the right to your own life but also a horror to it. You willingly give up the chance to be given a "second go" at ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Anonymity is key. At least for me. It's been quite an uncomfortable last two years in terms of my emotions. I got more and more emotionally constipated as the months went by without having a meaningful interaction with my friends that wasn't online. There's a reason I like to go out with them. I didn't like pouring my heart out to a screen at night. I needed someone to confide to in person or else... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
There are some days where I feel like I'm transported back in time. The days where the sun shone just right through my window, the green bright on the leaves of our tree, and the air smelling fresh or laced with smoke from the neighbor's barbecue or detergent from their laundry. Those were the days for me. I feel like I didn't appreciate as much as I do today now that it's only become a very rare ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
It's been a little over a week since I got back from the vacation but I don't think I can write something about it right now with everything that just happened. First thing's first, I tested positive with COVID-19. As did my aunt. We decided to get tested when we both got mild fevers after I got home and just felt shittier than usual. Aunt2 and our maid are going to get tested tomorrow and this is... » Continue Reading
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