devastated beyond reasonable belief

First thing's first, I tested positive with COVID-19. As did my aunt. We decided to get tested when we both got mild fevers after I got home and just felt shittier than usual. Aunt2 and our maid are going to get tested tomorrow and this is what affects me the most. Because if our maid tests negative, then she said she will leave to go home immediately to not risk contraction. Which I completely understand since we've already had the talk about her leaving earlier this month.

What fucks me up about this is that I planned to make a pasta and chicken dinner tonight. Our maid loves my pastas and chicken, so I wanted to make her something special and new before she left. I also wanted to retry making pesto after years and thought that this was the best time to do it. But because of our testing this morning and the restless wait for the results this afternoon, I didn't get to buy the ingredients.

She's been a great help to us since my grandmother passed away. She practically cleaned the whole house and made it good as new. And if you knew what our house looked like before her deep clean, you'll know it was practically a miracle. Since she was new to our city, I was often assigned to show her around. She tagged along whenever I went to buy groceries and helped me take our cats to the vet. Despite some minor issues, she means a lot to us. She's been with us for almost two years through thick and thin. And I'm just so happy to have someone else who's not family appreciate my cooking. It's nice to have someone you can trust to be honest with you about something like that. The fact that I probably wouldn't be able to cook for her one last time before she leaves for good is just eating me up right now.

I'm actually literally crying at the moment. I'm alone in my room because I need to be isolated, writing this wretched entry, and just feeling shitty overall. I wish I could be able to make her pasta one last time but that would probably mean that she'll test positive and I don't want that. I would never want that.

I'm just so sad right now.