"coping with existence"
he/they/is/ought
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Category: Blogging
...dealer's choice... blog series these are attempts to convey strong thoughts. they are numbered only to show chronology, as there are definitely shifts over the course of these blogs. 1) word vmoit: gender and internet » Continue Reading
— 7 Kudos
Category: Life
[so i wrote this entire blog and it was super long and then i accidentally closed the tab and none of it saved. the following is my rewrite.] i've stopped putting "diary entry" in the titles of these because i don't like how it looks and i think it's redundant since the date stamp implies that it's some sort of diary entry. it's amusing how my mind likes to organize information with language and s... » Continue Reading
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Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
i've noticed recently that not only do i never have time or energy (time = energy => activity => happiness) but i also just have a very unoptimized schedule. when i actually get down to it, i'm capable of learning material and completing school assignments faster than the average person. i am generally considered to be an academic menace in this regard. hence, when i procrastinate i can actually g... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
listen to this song i made a few years ago while you read this. or listen to some duster . or don't. it's your choice whether or not you want to obey the petty exhortations of a 2nd gen asian middle class asf teenager. anyways, it's been 18 days since i' » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
hey diary, today i: got up at 7:05. left the house at 7:10 (on time!) didn't have time to wear the outfit i wanted... so i wore grey slacks, a blue miku tshirt, a leather jacket, and a cute silly cheetah hat. i didn't like my outfit today. i would've rather dressed lazily rather than attempt to have style and fail. all my classes were relatively chill... nothing significantly good or bad, just the... » Continue Reading
— 7 Kudos
Category: Life
hey, it's been like 2 or 3 weeks since i last wrote in the diary. my weekdays: i am at high school or college or rehearsal from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. i keep up with the gender fluid double life #fashion #slay i eat dinner with my family and possibly get yelled at from 6 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. i am exhausted i listen to music and play games or something internet-related i sleep at 12 a.m. i get really... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
mom says, you should clean your room. you'll feel better without those flies buzzing around. i say, don't you get it, mom? there's no food in my room, mom the flies are there for me all the little things you've said, buzzing by my ears when i try to escape to a casket of sleep all the nice things you bought me just morsels of meat for beezlebub's babies to spawn in regrets crawling under my skin a... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Life
hello diary!! yesterday i left my laptop at my school and didn't feel like writing out a whole diary... but yesterday was actually a nice day. for the first time in a long time, i wasn't distracted by anything, i wasn't extremely tired, and i wasn't yelled at when i got home. so i did some studying and that was that. it felt good to have clarity and focus... getting lost in purely mental work. tod... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
hey diary, today i: got up at 7:00 and left the house at 7:10 (on time!) got to school and got distracted accomplished few things had a fun jam with a drummer friend at lunch worked on music stuff for school went to rehearsals for aforementioned school got home ate dinner with family. dad having health issues but honestly i'm just glad it distracts him from me. spent some time sett » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
in short, my mom is the nice one. she actually loves me and attempts to empathize with me. there is no questioning any aspect of those statements. however, she also loves my dad. i can not reveal myself to my dad. therefore, i never have the opportunity to talk to my mom about how i'm doing, what i'm going through, etcetera. i also hate being in the same room as my dad, whereas my mom is married ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
hey diary, today i: woke up at 7 and left the house at 7:10 (on time!) got texts from my mom to worry less, be happier, and that she prayed for me yesterday. thinking about this makes me want to cry. spent the morning doing a pre-lab assignment that i should've done the night before. stats class was nice. feels good to be good at something ... went to a college class only to discover the professor... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
hello! i am writing this at 5:47 pm on 2/25 for reasons that will reveal themselves as you read further. yesterday i: woke up at 6:55 and left the house at 7:10 (on time!) wore a cool outfit (shorts over pants) played piano first period was cool, we had an amusing discussion about birkenstock's trying to get copyright for their sandals the rest of the school day was a matter of endurance did some ... » Continue Reading
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