roundabout

one of my favorite experiences in the human condition is discovering that i am repeating myself. just in general.

imagine hiking forever and ever in a line, hardly looking back and only looking forward, only to find that the line was actually a circle and that your net movement was 0.

it's when you finally notice that you're stuck. or lost.

or when you realize you've done something already when you're mid-way through re-doing it.

or when you remember what you were trying to say.

like, "oh! i'm fucking stupid."

this time it is me realizing that i am terrible at adapting to situations where talent/passion aren't enough. again. 

i need will. 

just as i couldn't just cram my way through ochem as i had through my prior academic career,

i can't just goof off and expect to be something exceptional like i was in high school.

tl;dr

for a 17 year old, i was exceptional.

for an 18 year old, i'm lazy.

i want to become something. i want to make use of my skills and talents and passions and... me. i want to apply myself. i want to be exceptional.

i need to become something intentionally or else i am nothing!!