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dear spacehey,
you ever been totally lost? so you run around, genuinely trying to figure out where you are, and then somehow you've run in a circle?
how am i
STILL living with my parents and their expectations
STILL missing out on events and social life
STILL struggling to pursue any of my passions
STILL procrastinating
STILL in a vicious sleep deprivation cycle
STILL too scared to just wear what i want
STILL not sure where i'm going in terms of career and school
STILL too busy to think about all this
STILL having no one to talk to about this*
STILL getting mad at myself for the things i haven't done / aren't doing
STILL not closer to what i want to become??
*the people i do have (4) are chronically unavailable or online and unhelpful(?)(idk i just feel like they wouldn't help)(maybe friends aren't what i need)
........
so i'm back.
i'm back because, for better or worse, conditions have reverted to that of my spacehey era.
i.e., i am an incompetent and lonely mf who needs to express the struggle in words to someone or something
maybe things will get better again
but until then,
i'll be around.
recently, i have been listening to my 9th grade favorite, chet baker sings.
Comments
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magilon
i may be overstepping a bit, i'm sorry. it just hurts seeing you be so hard on yourself in this stage of your life.
it may feel the same, but the way you think about it isn’t, so i’d say it’s proof things aren’t the same. also, things don’t go away overnight. unfortunately, turning 18 isn’t an eraser. you must give yourself more grace. you are moving, and it’s not in a circle. you’d be lookin’ like a fetus if you were. i often feel like i’m in a loop, but i should word it correctly. it’s not that i’m in a loop, it’s that i’m still unhappy and correlate my feelings to the same things, but that can’t be true as i gain more experiences with each passing day. therefore, i cannot possibly be the same, which leads me to believe neither can you.
i read you saying that you’re “too afraid to wear what you want,” which baffles me because i think you dress so cool! it may not be how you’d like to, but you express yourself more than many! i don't know, did you dress the way you did 5 years ago? i think it's all something worth noting. maybe these negative things occupy your mind so greatly because you’ll always want more. i don’t think that’s bad, but it’s easy to forget the goals you’ve accomplished when you’re always wanting more. it’s important to move ahead, but you’re able to consider moving so far because you’ve done so already.
endlesspier
bruuuuh i want to be ur friend irl so bad but u live like 40 mins away :((