lola
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lola's Blog Entries
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5:10 am
Category: Blogging
dear z, oh, z. it's 5:10 am and i still haven't really been able to sleep. i have a whole slew of things to tell you but i don't know if i'll be able to get through it all right now. i miss juniper. for the past week i haven't been able to get her on the phone and every time she does call me it's "i can't talk for long but i'll call you back tonight" and then she doesn't or it's "i'll call you b... » Continue Reading
— 3 Kudos
just like a woman
Category: Blogging
dear z, i am so fully & completely tired. i went to the art museum last week for my birthday, and i wrote little letters in the gallery next to a painting of a man screaming for an hour. my mom asked to come with, and i feel so guilty about telling her i wanted to go alone. afterwards, i went to the gift shop and got little tchotchkes for everyone. when i gave one to my mom, she said “you should b... » Continue Reading
champagne & it tastes like coca-cola
Category: Blogging
dear z, when juniper and i lived in that second floor apartment for 10 days, there was a morning i came across the poems she wrote about claire. & the thing is, this wasn’t the only time. i saw, on several occasions, poems she wrote about claire & they were about how she still loved claire & how she was hurt by claire & there was that one poem she showed me that was about how she felt bad about br... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 1 Kudos
homewrecker
Category: Blogging
dear z, here’s the thing: guilt sets in again. because the thing is, i think i’m pms-ing again but i am absolutely fucking spiralling right now. what do i do about the fact that i fucked my friends girlfriend & then she got up out of my bed and broke up with my friend that very morning? and now i’m dating her that friend was already fucking someone else who she then dated & just kind of left j... » Continue Reading
times like these
Category: Blogging
dear z, the thing is, i leave work stumbling. when i get back into the car, i try to put my cup in the cup holder & it falls out, & i try to throw my sunglasses on the seat & they fall on the floor, & so with the very last remaining common sense i have, i walk down to the grocery store & get one of their pre-made crème brûlées & eat it by the river while i wait for the blood to return to my being.... » Continue Reading
mezzanine
Category: Blogging
dear z, sometimes i’m afraid there’s nothing left behind these eyeballs. last night i spent 30 minutes trying to fucking figure out how to split the tips at the restaurant & it shouldn’t be that fucking hard but i just stared at the numbers for so, so long. i was supposed to get off at 10 & i didn’t actually get a chance to leave until 11 & by that point i was so exhausted i just collapsed in bed... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
green around the gills
Category: Blogging
dear z, oh, z, i am a little under the weather today, i think. i couldn’t sleep last night for my cold sweat & since i’ve been at work these past 30 minutes i have already thrown up. my eyes are tired, i don’t feel like talking, & i have to put away hundreds & hundreds of little individually packaged screws. to top it off, it’s our busy day at both jobs & we are short staffed here. fucking hell, ... » Continue Reading
stick a fork in me
Category: Blogging
dear z, while my parents were, at family dinner, making jokes about how i should work even on my one day off every two weeks, i realised that yes it actually does piss me off. it pisses me off that back at school i would go to my real life job & i would make money to pay for school & for the things i would go do for fun & i would clean up after my roomates who wouldn’t have jobs & who would just a... » Continue Reading
suspicious minds
Category: Blogging
dear z, i hope you forgive any clerical or grammatical mistakes i might make in this one, i just downed half my flask & have put on the soundtrack to grease & as i was reading through the posts i've made on this little blog, i've noticed the alarming trend of the amount of time i spend wigging about juniper's relationship to her ex. z, i am writing this to clarify the thoughts i have not properly... » Continue Reading
hey, jealousy!
Category: Blogging
dear z, juniper's ex girlfriend is going to visit her in august, and when juniper asked if that bothers me, i said i didn't care. the thing is, i think i do care. not in a way that i feel the need to tell her about, because it's entirely my issue and there's no sense in just making her feel guilty, you know? but here i was, the day before i start my fucking period, laying in the dark listening to... » Continue Reading
hit the road, jack
Category: Blogging
dear z, i am still & evermore seriously considering fucking off to who-knows-where. i think as the days go by, i might pitch the idea to a few people & see if i can get someone to tag alone, even for a short while. there is, of course, juniper. she is at the top of my list, and she absolutely would, except at this exact moment i have no idea. maybe she thinks its a bad idea (as is my fear, for a ... » Continue Reading