5:10 am

dear z, 

oh, z. it's 5:10 am and i still haven't really been able to sleep. i have a whole slew of things to tell you but i don't know if i'll be able to get through it all right now. 

i miss juniper. for the past week i haven't been able to get her on the phone and every time she does call me it's "i can't talk for long but i'll call you back tonight" and then she doesn't or it's "i'll call you back in a few minutes" and she doesn't. (and even on my birthday when she finally does call me back, she still hangs up on me early) and i know it's just me being insecure but there's a little nagging voice in the back of my head saying "no shit i sometimes have a hard time believing i'm so important to you" (and the way it reads typed out sounds insane but i promise it's not that severe, it's more that i often have a hard time believing that someone could just... like me so much in general)

tonight we talked for 30 minutes before she told me "my phone's about to die, i'll have to charge it so it's going to be a while before i can call you back" and that's when i knew the conversation was over. i told her that if she didn't call me back, it would be okay but that i wanted her to and if she didn't, it shouldn't be because she thought i would be asleep. and then she said, "you should sleep". and i hoped she would still call me back because i told her i haven't been able to sleep anyway but still she didn't call. now it's 5:10 am and i still haven't been able to sleep after laying here for 5 hours with my eyes closed. 

the sun's coming up, i'm going to go watch it. 

talk to you later & all my love,

lola