stick a fork in me

dear z,

while my parents were, at family dinner, making jokes about how i should work even on my one day off every two weeks, i realised that yes it actually does piss me off. it pisses me off that back at school i would go to my real life job & i would make money to pay for school & for the things i would go do for fun & i would clean up after my roomates who wouldn’t have jobs & who would just ask their parents for money when they wanted to go out and do something. yes, it does piss me off that i worked for 3 weeks straight & then went to fire island where i cleaned that house 3 times over in the 3 days we spent there, cleaning up after everyone else while they maybe washed a dish every once in the while and i had to HASSLE them to vacuum on the last day after i did all the dishes & ran the laundry (including their clothes & towels) & changed the sheets & scrubbed the floor & picked up their empty beer bottles & cigarette butts & paid like $90 for food that they all ate even though i was saving my fucking $10 guacamole & my fucking $7 seltzer & my fucking white claw for later & then i went back home & worked for 2 weeks straight & then on my ONE day off in a 4 week period, i have to clean my own damn house. 

no, i should not deal with it by getting drunk all the time, but fucking hell it’s the only thing that feels like it helps right now. 

and then my parents ask why i’m so grumpy all the time & yeah, i shouldn’t be grumpy at them but i can’t fucking stand any more of the disappointment that flows off them when they say it’s a shame i work weekends at the lesser paying job like i fucking decided to be scheduled there before i started the better paying job & no matter what i fucking do, they aren’t fucking happy. i can’t fucking do anything right, i put the dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher on accident & i get a 15 minute lecture & i get a fucking lecture when i don’t clean out my room & then i get a lecture when i use the hallway outside my room (on the floor where ONLY i live, mind you) & then i get a lecture when i buy tote bins to store my stuff in & then i get a lecture when i don’t get rid of clothes i don’t wear & then i get a lecture when i get rid of them because i never wore them. 

z, i am so, so fucking tired. 

my parents say, you don’t spend enough time outside. & then, when i say i’m going with m to the boundary waters for 4 days, i get “you’re taking off a whole week of work for that?” 

fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

i’ll catch you later, z

all my love & a half, 

lola