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Category: Life
In case anyone ever wonders about my name on here, some people seem to think it's just me joking I have no life as in no hobbies and nothing I like to do, but that's not really what it means. Well, it is kinda two meanings, and one of them is that I have no life yes, but not in that way. More like, for the longest time I imagine if I disappeared most people wouldn't notice at all. It's not really ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
So for the past year or two I've really hated being on meds. It's definitely a good thing I started taking them, I was starting to do pretty bad before. But it was always meant to be just temporarily while I also go through therapy, I wasn't doing THAT bad I guess. However, after therapy was over I was kinda scared everything would go back to being worse if I quit taking meds, so I just kept takin... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I read an interesting article about how pretty much everybody has at least some minor trauma, explained as bruises of the brain. Even if it's from things we never think about, they probably still have an effect on how your brain currently works. She wrote a book about that which I'd love to read some time. But it made me remember a few things that are just things that happened, nothing more than t... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I managed to relax a bit today. I didn't feel rushed for time somehow. Although I wish I woke up earlier. It was really hard to get out of bed, as it usually is with these meds. But after breakfast I got some stuff done and then felt like I had a bunch of free time. So I went outside to read a bit. Enjoying this book I'm reading. It's historical fiction but it's not entirely made up either. It's a... » Continue Reading
Category: Friends
It's the usual cycle. Say hi to me few friends, get stressed out from trying to talk so I isolate myself, after a few weeks I get lonely again. Except this time it's been more than a few weeks. For some reason it's harder to say hi to them now. That's why I'm back on here, I'm pretty much writing to noone so it's not as stressful. But I guess I tend to hope that somebody reads this anyway. Otherwi... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I'm having a problem with my free time, in that I am so scared I'm going to waste it. I have a day off today, there's nothing I gotta do. So I try to do all the things and then when it doesn't feel or go as well as I imagined I quickly switch to another thing. I've started doing so many things today, some for just a few minutes before giving up. At one point I was watching something with sound off... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Not sure why, I just can't get myself to sit down and relax and write. So I started this again, less expectations and I can just write whatever. In the hopes that I pick stuff out for my letters later. I'm liking how clean this place is getting it's making me less stressed. I don't have to watch my step everywhere anymore. The cats seem to like it too, more room to play. Work has been difficult fo... » Continue Reading
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Category: Music
And I guess some other types of music too, but emo seemed all the rage when I was in my late teens. To be honest, I kinda liked the look, both emo girls and boys looked hot, but I never dared to listen to the music. And the reason is cause some guys at school gatekept me years earlier. In my younger teens when nu-metal was all the rage, I got into Papa Roach but I was a shy quiet kid. So some guys... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Though let me be clear on this, I take meds against psychosis and I am very glad that I no longer have delusions. But I hate the side effects so much. Today I spent 13 hours in bed again, most of it sleeping. And I still feel exhausted and unmotivated to do anything. I do have a job for which I gotta get up early, and I manage to do that. But I feel like a zombie the first 5 hours or so at work. L... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I haven't been up to much lately so I haven't got much to write, but I really wanted to write something. Cause I haven't been feeling so great the past days. I think I'm just feeling kinda lonely and nostalgic, and it got me a bit depressed this weekend. I used to have a bunch of friends as a kid in school, but then thanks to my paranoia I started hanging out with them less and less until I didn't... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I've got some conflicting feelings today, though they are not that uncommon. I don't really have many friends, and most days I am okay with that. But when it's been a while since I last talked to someone I do start to get lonely. Then I try and fail, and think I was way better off not talking to anyone again. I've got a lot of anxiety you see. I just want to live a life that's not very stressful, ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
So, before I start this story I should mention that I am not from an English speaking country. Anyway, when I was a kid I was in this youth club. I keep comparing it with scouts cause everyone knows what that is, but instead of learning things we'd just play games and do challenges, usually with a theme. On this one particular day, the theme was native Americans. We started the day by giving every... » Continue Reading
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