I'm still so unhappy every day. I'm filled with words that get locked in my throat. The lights are dim as I sew my tongue down, the words will pile up until I suffocate or choke a few out. My shoulders fail to release a decade-long tension, my legs seize and my muscles atrophy, and I try to sort through this junk-mail littered brain though I've not once been convinced that the pile has been grazed... » Continue Reading
I don't know what to think about that. But I just have this sneaking suspicion, this irk in my stomach, that I'll be calling myself stupid in a month or two for getting so hopeful. Hopeful? Am I really that hopeful? I think I'll just call myself stupid for thinking it could change in the first place. Well, that is what always seems to happen. I'll just try to keep my head on straight. » Continue Reading
i'm in a hotel right now and i'm about to drive like i dunno 8 hours home and i booted up my laptop, used my phone's hotspot cause there's no free wifi here, and opened discord to check my messages. all in all, pretty casual, right? then BOOM!!!!!!!!!! 3 messages from my sister!!!! what a gasp worthy occasion!!! like woohoo!!!!!! my monthly message from someone who hurt me very deeply!!!!!!!!!!!! ... » Continue Reading
I'm not supposed to. I keep lying and lying and lying to myself and that just makes the way I cope worse than it was in the first place. I mean, it's not like I'm even coping at all! Every day is the same shitty ideation, always having some kind of content thrown into my thoughts so I don't have a chance of thinking. I already figured out the truth, my truth, the good sole truth of it all even, bu... » Continue Reading
"You can't use your friends as therapists. You can't throw all of your problems onto other people. You can't tell your teachers about the family. These kids are so much better than you, can't you be a little more like them? God, you're such a terrible friend. I mean, it's not like you were really abused. It was horrible, but, well, it was just sibling squabbles! You're this old and still victimizi... » Continue Reading
i added too many people, which no fault to you guys you're all neat and cool but i feel like i can't be honest in my writing anymore because i have too many people added ＞︿＜ i might post the more refined stuff or thoughts of the day but not everything. bleh » Continue Reading
it's 1:38. i'm gonna try on some clothes, try and pick outfits. oh shit 2 outfits in and its 2:43?!?!? ok this is one example but oh my GOD i've been dissociating a lot lately. is it even dissociating? aren't you supposed to like. teleport? and everyone says i have no sense of time but i'm also not diagnosed with anything so its whatever hahahhahahahah i can't do anything i like!!!!!!!!!!!!! black... » Continue Reading
In truth, I know that nobody is going to save me. I know that my lies are my own fault. I know I'm going to wind up restarting high school. In fact, I know I'll probably not return at all. I know I'm never going to get a job at my age. I know that none of this is good enough for me anymore. I know that this is all my responsibility. I take accountability for my twisting of the truth. And I'm not ... » Continue Reading
the bugs, the flickers, the paranoia, the probably-hallucinations, the contemplation, the words i've gotten out, the hopelessness, the uselessness, the knowing it'll never get better. because i knew it would never get better. even if i tried. and i did really try this time. i applied to jobs everywhere, i went to interviews, i volunteered, i reached out for therapy, and i reached out to my social ... » Continue Reading
there's something i just don't get here. why. why. why? why is it always me? why is it always people hurting me? is it true? is nothing ever enough? will nothing ever be enough for me? and at the end of the day, it's ultimately my fault? or am i surrounded by shift-blaming narcissists? they say if trouble follows you everywhere you go, you need to self reflect for a bit cause YOU'RE the problem. ... » Continue Reading
That group home was a testimony that when I reach out, nothing happens! I snitched on my abuser, I wrecked the family, and I was practically in limbo for two months. But as soon as I got to "Safety", the Group Home that is, everyone forgot about me. My sister, her husband. I thought they were the last family I had left. But I was clearly just their pet project, and as soon as I moved out they left... » Continue Reading
Report User
