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Category: Blogging
i dont want to die. i dont want to grow anymore. even now, i wish i was a child again. im happy here, but i dont think its registered that im not a child anymore. my mother wont ever hold me like that again. my brothers will never dress me in their clothes again. i wont play ghost in the graveyard again, sprinting tree to tree, only worried about my friends mom calling the landline saying shes com... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
i made it to college. ive been complimented, i feel prettier, ive made friends. i like it here. i dont really miss home, but i do miss my cat. today has been weird. ive been feeling... choked up? like you know the instrumental to mary by alex g? slow it down a little and thats how i feel. almost like a feeling of dread. like i should be at the ocean, when its foggy or raining a little, and everyth... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
i feel gross. i hate that my automatic response to affection or people caring is feeling gross. i want to be loved i want friends to care it's just everytime i start getting closer and closer to ppl the more i want to shut ppl out. it's like all the sudden i get a stomach bug; my chest feels like it's being weighed down by stones, like my ribs are cracking and being crushed. my stomach gets all sw... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
sometimes i think about my ex. it was so, so nice to be cared for. i liked being called pretty, i liked him texting me every morning and night. i wish i knew what i did wrong, or i wish i knew what an asshole he'd turn out to be. at some point, he got tired of me. completely ghosted me for a day, then broke up with me, telling me he'd rather play games than talk to me. it hurt. a year later he tex... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
why am i meant to be weak? i am a girl, who looks frail and tired. but know i am not weak. » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I've noticed i cry less. i get sad a lot, but dont cry. i end up just laying there, tired, an aching feeling in my chest. it feels like im gonna cry, but nothing comes out. i try curling up into a ball to get rid of the pounding emptiness in my chest, but it never works. i need to feel alive. i need to feel my blood pump through my veins, rushing to my head. i need that lightheaded, sweaty feeling... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
have you ever wanted to be loved so badly you ache? sometimes, as i drift off to sleep, i pretend someone loves me. loves me so much they can tell when im not really there, their body heat is the same as mine. someone you could be ok without, but you'd never really want that. someone that it hurts so much when they leave, but they never will. i think it would be lovely, and sad. of course i want s... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
idk. im normally able to articulate my feelings better, as proven in past entries. lately its like... im in a trance. im just so tired, day after day. ive nothing to do, so i just sleep. when i do go out i feel better, but trying to get myself out is such an ordeal. my biggest issue is outfits. fashion is for the skinny, honestly. you dont need to be skinny to have good style, but skinny people se... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
everyones gone off to school, and im still stuck at home. my closest friends have moved the farthest, and ill soon be across the country. lately, i have found that i want to be held. i want someone to hold me, to feel their warmth against mine, to feel their skin and bone. i've been listening more to a song a boy used to sing to me. i love the song, and when i listen to it, i get the most bittersw... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
i havent been on here in a long time! i have been busy, preparing for college and working. lately, i have been criticizing my body more. thinking, 'oh, i just need a thigh gap' or 'i wish i had a flatter chest.' for what? to be prettier? are the freckles around my eyes not pretty enough? is the green that meshes with the brown in my eyes not bright enough? it is easy to be foolish. as i sit alone,... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
one day, i will sit on the rocks in the morning, before the sun rises its head, at the sea. it will be me, and me alone, with my hair falling behind me, and the wind hugging my body, and the saltwater spraying me. i will be older, i will be calmer, and i will be myself and myself alone. » Continue Reading
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