finally made 90% of my blogs private... i'd been meaning to for a while. condensed ~20something pages into 4ish. honestly i've realized that i'm an incredibly private person in most ways and i didn't really appreciate 19 year old me plastering the entirety of my senior year of highschool on here, so its all gone from the public except some poems and things. part of it was enjoyable but a lot of it... » Continue Reading
what is getting out? to me getting out means leaving a place that makes you unhappy. usually this is a place you live in. i don’t think the place must be small or absolutely horrible unlike what most people think of when they think of this concept. of course, most people who talk about getting out usually come from small or horrible places. however i think the place you leave could be very big, or... » Continue Reading
i think i learned how to smile at nineteen. sometimes i look back on the grandest days of my life. there aren't that many, but there are some. like last October and how i felt like i was showing myself to people for the first time in my whole life. because in some way i was. so i made it as grand as i could. there are some people in this world who want to impact people in very direct ways. like 'i... » Continue Reading
bus day. bus never ends. sleeping on couches on record heat. sipping gin and seltzer and ice to stay cool. late night bridge walks. shoddy pizza places. instant regret turns into instant memories. this is what it’s all about and more. one day you’re gonna miss it all. » Continue Reading
i sit by the river and look at the water. bugs fly and dance above it. they swarm, blowing in the wind, aiming at nothing. on the other side of the planet somebody dies. i rest against a rock. on the other side of the city somebody is born. small whirlpools still flow. leaves still tremble in the wind. i lay down on the rock like it’s my bed and put my hand in the moving water. a bird sings beyond... » Continue Reading
05. 10. this bus never ends. it goes on and on, all around the country. all around the world. all around the universe. in another life, the bus stops sometimes and we get out. we take things in and out of it. we’re content with this notion. life stills gnaws at me with the question: Why Isn’t It You Yet? THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. i ca » Continue Reading
all my friends are becoming corpses and, here’s the sound of summer through your front window. it could always be worse you could always be them you wake up one day and it’ » Continue Reading
did you know that once you break a boundary, there’s no going back? studies show 73.3% increase in fighting just to fight. doing just to do. subject C: you will never be the same again. subject B: you will never be normal again. did you know that it’s all man made? all those chemicals up there. fighting just to fight. doing just to do. touching just to touch. what’s the use of it all? an 100% i... » Continue Reading
super unkind low life, out of this world something else entirely it’s not what we wanted it’s not what we asked for it’s not we were meant to do slowly growing insane slowly i become free slowly only slowly what happened to yesterday? what happened to tomorrow? what happened to last year? what happened? an apology for the broken dream » Continue Reading
feeling like my life is so finite these days. like there is no grasp on anything — i am just waiting until it all gives out. and after that i won’t know what to do. in every good moment there’s me hanging on to it because I Don’t Know When This Will Happen Again. here’s the portrait of someone who doesn’t know what’s going on. here’s the picture of someone who is never on time. here’s the image of... » Continue Reading
iamperoxide more like iamabrokenrecord because i just say the same things over and over again. how can i not? i am largely miserable. and when you’re doing as bad as i am you really want to talk about it as much as possible because if you don’t you die. at least that’s my case. one thing about me is that my life entirely depends on other peoples niceness and mercy. that validation is always being ... » Continue Reading
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