finally made 90% of my blogs private... i'd been meaning to for a while. condensed ~20something pages into 4ish. honestly i've realized that i'm an incredibly private person in most ways and i didn't really appreciate 19 year old me plastering the entirety of my senior year of highschool on here, so its all gone from the public except some poems and things. part of it was enjoyable but a lot of it... » Continue Reading
what is getting out? to me getting out means leaving a place that makes you unhappy. usually this is a place you live in. i don’t think the place must be small or absolutely horrible unlike what most people think of when they think of this concept. of course, most people who talk about getting out usually come from small or horrible places. however i think the place you leave could be very big, or... » Continue Reading
i think i learned how to smile at nineteen. sometimes i look back on the grandest days of my life. there aren't that many, but there are some. like last October and how i felt like i was showing myself to people for the first time in my whole life. because in some way i was. so i made it as grand as i could. there are some people in this world who want to impact people in very direct ways. like 'i... » Continue Reading
when you find something that you want to do for the rest of your life forever it is kind of a big deal. especially when you did not think you wanted to do anything for the rest of your life forever. the answer stares at me right in my face. i reach out and touch it and it glows and sputters and travels all around me. it is like catching a star. it is like swallowing a star. its wonderful but it bu... » Continue Reading
i am just always looking and i dont know when to stop looking. and i tell myself, please stop looking. nothing is changing. nothing is happening. nothing is changing. nothing is changing. the world is still going on with or without me looking. your life goes on and my life goes on. i tell myself its unfair to say it so directly because of, i don't know, social norms. but one day i will stop lookin... » Continue Reading
it’s late, i’m tired cool glow of the light pulls me to sleep stillness of the tree outside my window makes me ponder it’s all very fleeting but i still wake does anyone even read these blogs anymore? hello, are you out there? don’t i just wish you were out there? » Continue Reading
everything is very weird. on one hand i have this beautiful thing going and i don't wanna fuck it up. i care a lot. and it seems to be working out i think. on the other hand i feel very.. messy.. muddy.. foggy..... about life. i feel more antisocial than ever. maybe i should up my meds dose.. doesn't help that my roommates are all older than me and have very fulfilling lives. i hold just this one ... » Continue Reading
push pulse obliterate afternoon acid birth show scream settle shape sweet shaped halfness shimmering catharsis fragment destruction anything as burial above vacant fatality first sharp eternity pulsate towards violent beauty flash flicker underneath the glow we turn turn turn stick your hands in sharp wet machinery greets you on the other side [][[][][[ » Continue Reading
nothing changes. i was laying around feeling uncomfortable about life and listening to my chemical romance at 16 and im laying around feeling uncomfortable about life and listening to my chemical romance at 21 » Continue Reading
vehicular accidents of the mind it keeps happening over and over dreaming of a beautiful fatality where you're on the other side of the screens and as we lay down and sleep all these places all these people all these knives and hearts and pleasures of the skin it takes me away and i keep opening myself to everyone i meet hoping they'll reach in and pull something out that i've never seen what is l... » Continue Reading
well shenanigans definitely ensued. as i am now phoneless and walletless. oh well. of course it had to happen to me though. froze my bank accounts and put my phone on lost mode shrug emoji anyway...... the good stuff this weekend. love my friends forever. love mcr forever. sometimes i forget mcr is my favorite band of all time ever and then i see them front row and scream along to words i havent t... » Continue Reading
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