a small price for lucky destruction

hurt (good) and hurt (bad) crashes down. i have to move again by august. i don’t make enough at my job. i have wonderful friends. i finally have community. i don’t want to move. i just got comfortable. i cannot ask ‘why’ so i just ask ‘how’ these days. it works alright. i have to remind myself i’m not indestructible. it’s all fun until it’s not. the train sways and i have a headache of sorts. it’s all fuzzy. i’m so tired. i have band practice tonight. my body and my brain hurt for very different reasons. i’m trying not to fall asleep on this train. 

i have noticed a trend where people with sad unhappy lives hold grudges for a long time because they feel like it gives them a purpose, to be angry and mean, to find fault in others where it actually falls on them. and to them i say you are not better than me, you are not smarter than me, and you are certainly not kinder than me. i may be beneath you in your head but you are beneath the world’s judgement in the way that you treat others. there is nothing to be gained. nobody will throw you a party. and you will be the last one anyone will ever think of when you most need it.  perhaps take a look at the world around you. take a good look and realize you will be disliked, you will be critiqued, you will be judged, you will even be disagreed with. and that is it. you just have to live with it. i am not holier than thou. and neither are you. accept that and be good to the world and be kind to yourself and others and the wonderful moments in your life will increase tenfold. to go out of your way to slander and insult everyone you meet that doesn’t fit into the very specific definition of your perfect life is insane. if it bothers you that much, start a cult. don’t project that onto others just because you’re miserable. the end.