Where do I stand amongst soil, blood, and soul- amongst trembling hand and pounding hearts- what willing despair has befallen us, freedom to choose amongst the rows of poisons and vices to make our existence some vile spectacle to see through blurred stinging lens, fingertips burning and eyes screaming, hand in hand burrowing into the flesh in suffocating grip we find refuge as the caress hardly s... » Continue Reading
Your importance relies on others deeming you as important, without that you’re just another forgotten thought, you can’t stand the thought of that so you’re uncomfortable when someone thinks of you as just another idea like you are. Yet we are our own selves- our own individuals b » Continue Reading
My screen is a mess of anatomical diagrams splayed out and overlapping into a tangle of information- this leads to that and so and so is bordered by whatichmacallit- post ganglionic- innervated- pulse- ligament- its all just one visceral puzzle and it's tiring to even think about- Sometimes when I'm sitting down- toiling away- typing, rewriting, memorizing- are we even supposed to understand this... » Continue Reading
Writing is good for you, it makes you think. I don't think I should think so hard. I find the more I think, the more I realize, more feeling, more regretting, anguish, spite and loathing teeming senses rushing through. I wish I were smarter. After so much thinking you'd think I'd be a little smarter but I am as equal a fool as I was as years passed, the world changes and my feet carry me forward b... » Continue Reading
Lungs billow slowly, full of a leeching coolness- quiet humming and stillness, don’t move, breathe. Rest with a nagging tiredness and though wicked thou not be the nagging will of yours rouses you. Not yet done nor satisfied, no energy to move, do as you please but you must breath » Continue Reading
My professor said we are on the verge of another World War, that our age group is most likely to die. If I were to die, my family would be left to grieve with my college debts, and have nothing and no one to show for it. I wanted to study the world, but it seems I wasn't notified of the demolition deadline. I wanted my parents to have someone to be proud of, not to outlive the fruit of their labor... » Continue Reading
Our professor asked us to draw God, I have not attended church since I was a child and I understand very little of the Bible and I tend to fear those who use religion to justify their wrongdoings and ostracize the actions and lives of others. I have been Agnostic for a while, so this was an odd request for me. What was God to me? If humans are god/creators of computers, and computers are only cap... » Continue Reading
I think my existence wouldn't feel meaningless if so many other things weren't telling me how things are and how things will be and what I must do to simply live. My existence is limited, let me enjoy it as I please at the pace I desire. Let me not fear living so much that I do not live and regret having not lived. -Sentient.B » Continue Reading
When do you feel like an adult? When does childhood really end? I think it ended a long time ago for me. It ended when we stopped getting 3ft of snow during the holidays It ended when I had to say goodbye to that little orange room where I'd read during the summers and listen to the cicadas. It ended when learning suddenly brought me little joy and praise. It ended when I realized that a lot of th... » Continue Reading
I apologize for the hiatus, I have been very distracted these past few months and I am trying to weasel back into blogging again as I feel I have been neglecting my self-expression this past year. I have created a group for 20+ members and debating establishing an 18+ group, this has nothing to do with NSFW it is simply for people wanting to interact with other adults. Here is the link to the grou... » Continue Reading
The summer evenings are getting colder, it is these times when everything seems more empty than usual in my solitude, I wish I could enjoy this weather back on campus- and sit in the window and think, laughter echoing between the building complexes, the purr of flashy cars zipping down the road, the faint smell of tobacco, for the longest time I've been quite the liar about hating the smell of smo... » Continue Reading
I stay quiet, I stay out of the way, I stay in my room or the basement, I don't pick fights or cause trouble or act annoying on purpose, I don't distract you from work, I offer to help around the house, I close the doors when you are on a work call, I watch your son so you can have moments of peace, I have gone to such great lengths voiding myself of everything you hate- yet you still think I hate... » Continue Reading
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