is it so hard to just pause and sympathize and coddle me and treat me with understanding and kindness and gently speak to me that its okay and play in my corner for once !!!!! for once when it counts !!!!!! im hurting so bad i feel like no one is loyal to me no one understands what its like to be devoutly loyal and never have it be shown back in the ways you so crave it !!!! im not even asking for... » Continue Reading
after short lived stability i have once again returned to my reality rock bottom of friendlessness. it is so crushing and hard to ignore so once again i will rant to my favourite void to find some sort of comfort. it is hard to go on living this endless cycle of working eating sleeping and repeating with little to no sense of companionship. i am unable to share my interests or explore to the full ... » Continue Reading
dear virtual diary, call me selfish if you want but ive noticed that most every time i try my hardest to be the best person i can to others, it is never shown back to me. and i dont believe that kindness should be used to gain materially - more so what i am talking about is doing something nice for someone out of the pure kindness of your heart, then when you look back on how they are treating yo... » Continue Reading
hello again virtual diary, recently ive been thinking about how no one really understands me on a deeper level. the level i yearn for... i am aware it could be asking too much to desire a partner who knows every crack and crevasse of my soul and mind but i see others finding their other half and question why i cannot find mine. is it that i am too much for them? to myself i feel like i am perfect,... » Continue Reading
i think sometimes being ugly has its pros, but it comes with weird thought processes on my end. for example, i will never be stalked, or approached by odd people with ill intentions in public. i at least have some sort of guaranteed safety when i am out. it does not alleviate the agony of others staring at me, but this does mean i am not bothered while going about my daily tasks - the necessary on... » Continue Reading
it is hard to live knowing at my core i am unreadable, unseeable, unlikable and unknowable. everyday i yearn for a connection i know i will never have despite devoting my life to it. ask and it shall be given, knock and it will be opened to you, seek and you will find what you are looking for but try as i may with all my effort i am fruitless, and tired. people dislike me and i have a hard tim... » Continue Reading