I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING SYMPATHY !!!!!!

is it so hard to just pause and sympathize and coddle me and treat me with understanding and kindness and gently speak to me that its okay and play in my corner for once !!!!! for once when it counts !!!!!! im hurting so bad i feel like no one is loyal to me no one understands what its like to be devoutly loyal and never have it be shown back in the ways you so crave it !!!! im not even asking for a lot, have some compassion!!! please!!! im drowning in myself , and no one is throwing me a raft or an arm or even calling 911!! why am i so compelled to be so devout, i am religious!!! and yet no one sees me fit for worship. why am i always the villain why am i always the one who MUST have done something to cause a conflict. its never me, and you all just assume because i have mental illness its MY FAULT for people being assholes to me. im trying my hardest to lay down like a dog and just take beatings but its starting to really get to me !!! not sure how much longer i can be a doormat. i guess thtas all people see me as even the ones who claim to like me.