im not the best at poetry just wanted to get it out of my head A curse I wouldn't wish on anyone The cruelest heartbreak To want and not be wanted To love and not be loved To need and not be needed My heart shattering over and over again Nothing can be the same I see nothing the same as it was And I never will again Same as loving the way I did » Continue Reading
it's been a few too many days since i last wrote, im trying to be consistent but it's hard. either not much happens or i end up too tired to write or do anything but study and go to bed. school has been so hectic, im exhausted most the time from trying to get all these different projects and assignments done by their respective deadlines. im just bored of these classes right now i think. did i alr... » Continue Reading
lots done today, but my ubers kept either cancelling or were too late in getting me to work. that sucked but i got there eventually. i got a stupid fortune that said "you will find good fortune in love" bc ofc id get that when im yearning for my ex. but who knows maybe i will find good fortune in love idk. im tired » Continue Reading
i didnt do too much today, except work and my sunday reset. i havent studied at all this weekend, even though i need to so i can pass my classes and finish my GEs. i really want to go to grad school too, im not sure what for yet though. thats really all i have to write for now. » Continue Reading
today i had to do an art museum visit for a class paper i have due in 8 days, and I actually ended up loving it! there were old medieval manuscripts on display for their zodiac medieval manuscript exhibit, and ofc im a leo so i had to look at mine. they didnt have so many impressionist works, certainly no german expressionism :/ my favorite works to look at were those inspired by caravaggio, who p... » Continue Reading
therapy was good today. i feel more open and curious, more than i did before. still struggling with some things, but far more clarity. it feels surreal, and kind of good, like a relief that i can feel normal enough to have this clarity. might be the meds helping to level me out emotionally. my therapist says that i am more than how and what i feel and the intensity of them, or at least i think tha... » Continue Reading
i didn't do a whole lot today, or it doesnt feel like i did. i skipped a class, was too tired to go, and i have one long one to get to. after that maybe ill just shower and go to bed. i think im sad again, which is actually so lame, i dont want to be too depressing. but i also dont want to be emotionally codependent on anyone, so im alone more than id like. in positive news i have tons of books to... » Continue Reading
i officially started my new job, and it was fun but tiring after a time. it's my first food service job, so i really hope i do well. im working with someone who i thought was in my past, and is connected to someone else in my past who i have quite a history with and im not sure what the fuck the Universe was thinking with that one but i'll go along with it for now. i believe always that i am right... » Continue Reading
today was a hard day for me. i cant say too much why in case somehow they see this. but it's someone i love, someone i loved before i even realized i did. we're not in each other's lives anymore and i thought about them all day. on the bright side, i did a sunday reset today, i took a bath, washed my laundry and sheets, ordered groceries, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, and burned palo santo incen... » Continue Reading
im so tired of bills and rent and stress man. not the vibe. and winning the lottery wouldn't even fix my financial stress because then id have to worry about getting kidnapped or murdered :/ » Continue Reading
im gonna try to write this before my computer dies but today was another long day. i did adult things and opened a new bank account, figured it was time to move from my college one. i hope i can finish college in light of recent events. i watched a queer period piece film from 2020 called "the world to come" and it was sad but really beautiful honestly quite slept on as far as i can tell. i love p... » Continue Reading
i skipped one of my classes again today, nearly skipped another too. i feel like ive returned back to the sadness again. i went to the library and thought i saw my ex for a second, the way they turned their head and flipped their hair, heart attack. it was so windy today too, but the kind where you cant breathe when it's hitting you head on. i have a lot to do in the next few days, the next few mo... » Continue Reading