nov 21

it's been a few too many days since i last wrote, im trying to be consistent but it's hard. either not much happens or i end up too tired to write or do anything but study and go to bed. school has been so hectic, im exhausted most the time from trying to get all these different projects and assignments done by their respective deadlines. im just bored of these classes right now i think. did i already mention how i want to go to grad school? im not sure if i want to do an mlis program to be a librarian or get a masters in archival studies so i could be an archivist. i guess i could apply to different places for both, they are similar so im wondering whether there are any transferable skills between them that i could use for whatever career i choose. i could also get a master's in linguistics, but i wouldnt do so much with that i dont think. the plan after grad school, or even just undergrad is to get a teaching certification so i could teach. im not entirely sure but i know i want to work in education or information/research.

therapy went well today i almost cried it was a little hard. i struggle with worrying about whether im being too much or not enough, and finding the balance is so difficult for me to do. if i sense im being too much or im told that im too much or overwhelming someone i withdraw, i try to do the opposite of what overwhelmed them. so if i was melting down and in shambles talking to them, ill pretend im not and talk about anything else but what im dealing with so they dont feel bad or stressed or overwhelmed. but i wish i had someone that i didnt have to dial so much of myself back for. i did, but she left, and i know i made mistakes with her too that i wish i could undo. i was a good friend to her, she said as much, but i wish i couldve been perfect and enough for her.

anyway enough of that, i hope everyone is doing well, and that those of you in school are managing okay with whatever your workload is.