20 year old evil and fucked up gamer from finland :P
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Category: Life
I'm gonna go out with my partner, and we'll probably just chill the evening. I also have online plans since many friends reside there instead of irl. There's nothing wrong with those plans, i just always wanted a really interesting and crazy birthday. I didn't have friends to invite to my sweet 16th, neither did i have any for my 18th, i have friends now, i just can't get my life together enough ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Starting to come to terms with the fact that there probably isn't anything for me after all. I wish there was something, anything really. But i'm not happy with anything, it's like i've always been miserable, i can experience good feelings but the foundation is rotten. I'm probably just having a bad day or something, but thinking about going on with this feels miserable and it's definitely more t... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
This started as a joke between me and my partner, but now i'm genuinely thinking about it. So idk how to even really categorize this, ig performative is the wrong word and "male manipulator" is the correct term??? I have the classic music taste, think of radiohead and deftones (examples), which are both bands that i listen to. Now the final nail in the coffin, i listen to them on cd, on a portable... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I started having really vivid dreams and nightmares, and now i can't remember if i've done certain things, or i get anxiety because i thought something bad happened but it was just a recent nightmare. I vaguely remember stuff, everything feels disconnected. I don't feel anxious, just kinda weird. I've dissociated before and been in psychosis before, it wasn't like this. Nothing really feels real, ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Computer gone, my life has lost 90% of it's entertainment value. I tried to go smoke half an hour ago, saw a rabbit and got paranoid so i went home instead. Now i just wanna play something (specifically on my pc that isn't present) NO I DON'T WANNA PLAY ON CONSOLE >:( I need to start cleaning before i leave my house for a week to stay at my mom's, i have until the saturday. I could play splatoon..... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
(if it's not obvious the title is a joke, but this is about gender discovery) I don't talk about it here often if ever, but i have dysphoric days, maybe because talking about gender does make me a bit uncomfortable, i know that people just assume, and it's alright, i don't really have the energy to care at the end anyway. I always knew but i didn't really know what it was and it was only sometimes... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
So i did get a prescription for an adhd medicine, idk if it's a common one elsewhere, but it's a standard practice here, if nothing else they've thrown at you works. Seems alright so far, no side effects, but i'm gonna have to see in a month how it actually affects me. Also gonna have to check if i can donate blood when i'm on this, i didn't go last friday, i have to deal with some health stuff fi... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Everything is going sorta ok, my medicine evaluation got cancelled and i gotta wait again. Otherwise i'm pretty chill, have been having some random physical pains for no reason. Haven't really seen friends in a while, haven't been attending club. I should go back, i've been neglecting my other relationships for my new dating life by accident (i suck at balance) Speaking of dating i feel weird, i ... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I am god's strongest overthinker, i'm already assuming that this will go horrible. It's one badly worded sentence and it's over :') I gotta lock in Because they don't wanna hear that you're doing so horrible that you need to be on acute care, but they don't wanna hear that your life is pretty alright because "why are you here then???" I am talking about therapy btw, idk if i clarified (haven't sl... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
Idk why i feel like this, i'm upset about plans that aren't happening and idk what to do, i wanted to go out today but i'm so tired and i'm getting a headache. I haven't been sleeping again, and i just feel angry. I was supposed to go to the mall with kitkat (my date) but i fucked up by oversleeping. Also i don't know why i feel jealousy now, because they're hanging out with someone else when i am... » Continue Reading
Category: Life
I feel like all i do here is bitch about my family, but here we are again. My sister's birthday is coming up in like a month and i don't know what to give her. I wanna send money but i wish i could do something more personal or nice. I wanted to order her a plushie, because i've seen her post about wanting a specific jellycat, but getting those is a bit difficult here, i don't like online shopping... » Continue Reading
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Category: Life
I don't know how to explain the situation that is bothering me. Basically i felt neglected my whole childhood and felt like my sister got all the attention and love from my mom. Now i can't properly spend time with either without getting irritated, and they don't really understand this, they try but there isn't really much they can do, because to them it's just in my head. They don't invalidate it... » Continue Reading
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