self loathing bs

Idk why i feel like this, i'm upset about plans that aren't happening and idk what to do, i wanted to go out today but i'm so tired and i'm getting a headache. I haven't been sleeping again, and i just feel angry.

I was supposed to go to the mall with kitkat (my date) but i fucked up by oversleeping. Also i don't know why i feel jealousy now, because they're hanging out with someone else when i am not even able to hang out, i usually have the mindset that if i'm not enough, find someone else. So this is uncharacteristic (i hope, although i've always been a bitter and jealous person imo) They said that i should come over and hang out with them, it's not like i'm being excluded, and i like our mutual friend as well. Why do i feel this way, i hate it and i hate myself.

Honestly might just go out to eat and get home and game the whole night, i don't care that i have stuff tomorrow, can't be bothered to deal with it. It's been months and i haven't made any progress on cleaning, or i did clean my kitchen a week ago and it's still semi clean if not just a bit cluttered.

Why do i crave others company but feel sick when i actually have to see them. 

I'm just gonna go to the mall, alone because i can't deal with either kitkat or our third

i need to actually get stuff from ikea and some alternative medicine store, because apparently normal pharmacies don't have the stuff i require to function fmfcl

although i could call kitkat and ask if we're still on for mall.... i feel lonely going alone now, i hate getting attached