i can't remember the last time i was truly honest with someone. i don't necessarily lie as in make things up but i avoid a lot of information until i know i can trust someone, which is very rare. it's odd. i don't feel like a liar, i feel like i'm appropriately safeguarding myself. but i haven't told my whole life story to anyone ever, everyone knows a mere 30% about me. online no one even knows ... » Continue Reading
to be honest, i can't say i have a physical type. my type is guys who are attracted to me. but deeply so, compliments never feel genuine to me as i said in another entry, especially if they're ephemeral. what i'm really attracted to is a near stalker ish dynamic that surrounds me. and that's not to say i'm into an unbalanced "all me" thing. once i know i can trust someone and that they'll be there... » Continue Reading
i remember people used to say nothing's ever truly gone on the internet. i think in the last 5 years or so it's been proven just how easily entire archives disappear. i can't even find my own old accounts from even 2 years ago. wayback machine isn't as useful or functional as people make it out to be. it archives a very small portion of the internet and from my understanding, it's mostly manually ... » Continue Reading
sometimes i think i'm asking for too much, that i'm the one who has to change his expectations. but really, is it insane to want to feel "seen"? in a flattering light too. i can't imagine anyone talking about me in third person favorably. i feel as though my wishes are very simple, for someone to remember me, say my name and say it happily and then for them to continuously keep doing that. » Continue Reading