attraction

for a while now, at least 2 years i've felt so strangely about being attracted to anyone. somewhat scared, somewhat confused about who i should even be looking at. i never want to risk going after who doesn't reciprocate. i'm not even able to, unless a guy comes up to me and is only direct but only intense and consistent, i'll just assume i'm not his type and as childish as it may sound i do need all of that validation to even consider.

i used to be a lot bolder because i didn't see how it could turn out wrong. but then that did me horribly and now i'm at a standstill.

as i may have said before, there are bigger things and it's not my biggest concern. i still think about it nonetheless.