i'm currently reading an anthology of writings from lesbians and gay men discussing their friendships and allyship and one thing i really love is how when relationships are discussed, boyfriend and girlfriend are rarely, if ever, said. everyone has lovers, whether its a hookup or a long term relationship, they are lovers. its such a better word. especially for queerness nowadays with gender noncon... » Continue Reading
im currently watching true stories, a movie directed by david byrne, and its making me think about something i think about quite often. i understand that we live in a more progressive, accepting world when it comes to queerness and stuff but i feel like in media and in expression we've gone backwards. no one is allowed to make anything weird anymore. movies are all so BORING and visually have noth... » Continue Reading
first semester had ended. i now sit in a british themed (i wish i was kidding) airbnb, where i will sit for a month. im back to being in an in-between. i know i deserve a break, i was working for almost four months straight, but it feels like a waste of time. im just existing to exist now. idk, it's nice to be able to read and watch movies again. trying to use this time as a biiiiigggg build up ... » Continue Reading
i've been in college almost a month now. my last entry was a private one, set to only me. it's been a while since i've said anything. i'm rarely alone to do any saying. that's my own fault. my life has been completely restructured, with the new foundation simultaneously stable and highly precarious. sometimes i feel like i'm walking on eggshells. when it's good it's the best i've ever felt. my pre... » Continue Reading
i feel like something is ending. nothing is, i don't have the normal friends and boyfriend from highschool that i have to physically say goodbye to. everything is already long distance, why does it feel like its all going to change anyways? for months i've felt relieved that everything is already long distance, that i dont have to say goodbye. but now that im here it feels like things are still go... » Continue Reading
i leave to drive up to college in like two days. i move in to college in a week and one day. we are renting a care so i have no idea if everything is going to fit until we start packing the morning of. we have to get negative covid tests to move in so i wont know if i can even start college until the night before. i have to get everything from my car to my dorm in thirty minutes. i don't know my m... » Continue Reading
i went shopping for art supplies for college today. it is quite impressive the amount of non-tuition related expenses college has. like i am giving you 40k a year can you not give me a tea kettle and a sketchbook. i know that art school is a scam and a waste of money but 1. its not my money being wasted and 2. i need another buffer before being thrown into the world and if drawing still lifes with... » Continue Reading
just got back from salem and a weekend with my best friend. this is the last time i will see her in a very long time. im trying not to think about it as i already have too many things i am thinking about. i feel so incredibly tired it's not funny in the slightest. im not sure why theres this heaviness behind my eyes, i slept an ok amount last night. yesterday we hate watched the summer i turned pr... » Continue Reading