knowing

i leave to drive up to college in like two days. i move in to college in a week and one day. we are renting a care so i have no idea if everything is going to fit until we start packing the morning of. we have to get negative covid tests to move in so i wont know if i can even start college until the night before. i have to get everything from my car to my dorm in thirty minutes. i don't know my mailing address or when my orientation is. i don't even know the floor plan of my dorm. everything is much too last minute for my brain. i need to know that everything will be ok. i need to know that it will all go smoothly and i didn't pack too much stuff (i definitely did even though i meticulously went through everything i own). i need to know everything but i cant until i'm there. i can't know anything until its staring in my face. how does everyone go through this. how does life just get more stressful the older you get who designed this. why did we make life so much harder than it needs to be we are literally people we can make life however we want. we are supposed to be patching holes in clothing and eating cheese on bread. where did we go wrong. i want to wittle.