im so fucking pathetic. every love experience I've ever had has taught me that. i should probably really stay alone. it makes me so angry. why can't i have normal experiences like normal people? but then again, i do get to live crazy experiences. happy ones. my life is actually good. really good. so yeah, i guess I'm enjoying everything i have and mourning that I'll never have. my life is good. c... » Continue Reading
its funny to think that none of this would've happened if you (or anyone) had gotten me a ticket. so lowkey, this is all your fault? like. my crashout and my confession were a direct action of being completely destroyed that day. when you stripped me of my heart, i suddenly had nothing to lose. at all. yeah. fuck you. you pretended to be so worried about me that day. why? how could you abandon me ... » Continue Reading
in my dreams, you talked to me. i don't remember what you said. i remember it was two lines of dialogue, but i don't know what you said. I know it wasn't enough. In real life, it was way more awkward. We didn't talk at all, not even a "hello". And it's fine, that's how it has got to be from now on. We're no more than strangers with a friend in common. I hope I never have to see you again. I hate ... » Continue Reading
the air smells like September. it is only August, but the breezing winds remind me of those winds many years ago, the winds of my childhood, flying leaves and kites. i always wanted to fly a kite (and make one) with my dad, but we never did. i looked forward to it every year, and in the end, it never happened. I'm all grown up now, and I'm watching them grow old, too. i don't like it. i want to g... » Continue Reading
i'm pretty sure i dreamt of los angeles today. WAIT. wait. it's coming back to me. Yeah. I remember now. I was in a random wooden shop. It felt like a random part of japantown in LA, and it was near the hotel too. (this place didn't exist, but it was around a place that did exist). mhmh. i was buying weed, it was a dispensary. I remember that. I remember i got out and my colleague from work was th... » Continue Reading
Shibuya. why was i there in my dream? why do I remember? I was looking for a Saizeriya. I talked to you about that, once. You'll never get to know it. And I never got to show you. But I'll be there again, that's for sure. I was there with him. I got to show it to him. Why do I remember that day with Satoru so well? I still miss that free pizza. Oh that pizza was so good. Why did I dream of that pl... » Continue Reading
yesterday i had a dream of a trip with my friends. you weren't there. it was nice realizing that. in my subconscious, you're just gone. is that why i don't like thinking you still exist? In my head, you don't exist anymore. I like that. it was fun. even though i got lost, i still found my way back. i guess this is true both in my dreams and in reality. i need to stop thinking and take action. I'... » Continue Reading
12/08/25 sorry. i need to write here. I'm definitely high, very high right now, and i just need somewhere to put my thoughts. i can't stop thinking about... about everything. how could our friendship mean nothing to you? everything is fine now. everything is okay. we are no longer friends. we'll never talk or laugh again like we used to. because you didn't want to, because you didn't want me, not... » Continue Reading
i think I've never been this upset over anything before. not for so long, anyways. I'm happy, my life is good, and I'm very blessed. but that's all thanks to my family, not to anyone else. and if you betray me again, I'm going to make sure you're never happy, not a single day of your miserable life. but you're on thin ice, struggling to stay afloat but at least you're TRYING, as for her, she simpl... » Continue Reading
so it's been exactly a month. i know you read the message i gave you on the 5th, even though I gave it on the 4th. i saw a yellow checkered car in real life. but i didn't ride on the back of it. i did ride a waymo though. I didn't cast a spell over the west. Maybe over the south? I'm staying in the south of LA, after all. and well, home is to the south of the world? You're there now, south of the... » Continue Reading
i miss them :(( i miss my band and i rly want us to get better but we actually are bc we are actually practicing???? but now vacation and i feel like I'm not doing enough and i need to do more because this is suprr serious and if we aren't that bad we could actually have a shot?? ughhhhhhh okay i need to get serious. and keep them serious too. they are though so. okay. yeah. summertime β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈ w... » Continue Reading
I'm sorry. i'm sorry that i think so much, and I'm sorry dad for liking my head up in the clouds. sorry mom, too. for being me. bang the doldrums, huh? ex friends till the end. I guess it was always a prophecy after all. you're wrong. (after all). so silly how you can listen to the aame song and give it a complete new meaning. my life is so good lately, honestly. i love music. i love listening to ... » Continue Reading