little girl, little girl you dirty liar

i write and write so often. in class, we're talking about letters. Oh, I know about letters, trust me. I'm always the one who writes. "when was the last time you received a letter?" last year, i think. from friends. And yet, I always write. isn't that sad? I'm not going to give anymore. what for, when all i receive is betrayal? 

I feel so different from most people. Everyone suffers, but their suffering seems so mundane. 

Teacher said you can't write without hope, but I do, everyday. I write, not for hope, but for the lack of it. There's no hope for someone like me, so all I can do is write. 

I've been angry lately. I've been thinking about what I want to say to you if we ever talk again. And in my head, I always end up hitting you. There's no words than can explain the anger I feel. 

No matter what happens, just know that I'll never forgive you. Not anymore. When everything first happened, I still wanted to be your friend. I would've done anything for that to happen, even starting it all, all over again. But today, I never want to be your friend again, nor associated with you. I think you'd never understand because you're a coward.  You really abandoned me as if I were nothing but garbage, and then you stay around and pretend for me to act as if nothing had happened? No, that won't happen. You're actively choosing to make me suffer, even thought I TOLD you what would happen, and how i would feel, and you still ACTIVELY chose to do exactly the only thing that you KNEW would hurt me. You wouldn't do that to someone you consider a friend or care about even mildly. You're evil, and if you're suffering, you honestly deserve it. After all, any suffering you feel was brought upon yourself. It was your CHOICE, the consequences of your own actions. Or inactions. It really proved you never cared about me as a person nor as a friend, I was never your friend at all, was I? I was a fool for believing so. You're a shitty person and an even shittier friend. It makes me so angry how you're still hanging around while knowing how much it hurts me and how horrible it makes me feel. You abandon me and then you're genuinely trying to steal something I spent years building? If you had an ounce of respect for me, you'd leave. But you don't. You don't care. You're horrible, and honestly, you'd be better of dead. You're scum. People like you don't deserve a place on earth nor in heaven. You're really gonna hang around and expect me to be okay with it, without ever talking again? No. You want to make my life hell? Let's play then. If you wanna take me to hell, then I'll drag you down with me. And everyone else too. That's what you want? Let's do this. I won't be satisfied until you leave. And whoever leaves with you is just a dirty traitor, just like you. So whatever. Fuck you. And fuck everyone who sides with you, too. You don't deserve anything, and after knowing how shitty you are, I hope no one has the displeasure of being your friend either.