what would they do, if they just knew?

Sometimes I wish I could just lay next to you. I want to rest my head on your shoulder. I wanna touch your hair. I'll never do any of these things. Of course, how could I? You're my friend. I guess I do feel guilt about it. I could never tell you, cause...you could leave me if I did. Of course. It would be uncomfortable, right? In such a short time, you've become someone very dear and important to me. It's scary, honestly. Why do I feel so close to you when you don't really care about me? Sigh. I guess I am a fool. Or I have a foolish heart, sure. 

You're not the only one who became important to me in a short time. But I know it's different. I can differentiate my own feelings, I'm not stupid. I also know that love is a poison that withers whatever it touches. So I won't tell you, I won't tell anyone. I am...i am sure this is the correct path. I can't risk you leaving because I just have such a strong feeling that...this is it. This is the band. Without you, we'll be incomplete, and we can't be famous if we're incomplete. I've always felt like love isn't an attainable goal for me, it's just not realistic. But fame? I can do it. Maybe it's insane, but I am insane. I can do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna make it. 

We're gonna make it. I need you for that. 

I know we'll all make it. 

Plus.... considering everything. He's my dear friend now, too. I know he likes you as well. He doesn't know I like you, and maybe I could never tell. But I couldn't hurt him like that. What a situation, huh? I'm pretty sure you like him too. Honestly, I hope things work out for you two. I'm just not cut out for love and stuff. But you mentioned wanting to live together with the band. I liked that. It means I won't be lonely. And you'll be around. Could be fun. I guess I really am a fool.

Happy new year, me