"daydreaming"
“I may not be perfect, but I’m perfectly me. And that’s enough.”
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Category: Blogging
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!! HE'S MY BOYFRIEND!!!!! HE'S BEEN MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!! FOR MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look, I don't ever want anyone to doubt how slow I am, how strong my sense of doubt is, or how wonderful of a boyfriend he is. I want to marry this man. I want to try and better myself further for not only myself, but this man. I want to lay with him at night and kiss his pretty eyelashes. ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Ok I know I wrote this morning when I first woke up but holy shit clarity hit me in the middle of class and I couldn't pay attention. I let my anger and junk get in the way of everything and jack everything up again. My venture towards spiritual awakening has been a very slow one. Look, I don't need to be anything including this dude's wife, let's get that settled. While I want to (very much so),... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Letting myself get optimistic about anything was a cruel thing to do to myself. Me and him went out last night and it was like nothing changed. Hell, I'll admit I forgot I was miserable about anything until I'd remember every now and then when he'd reach for me. He's the most beautiful thing, but I'm only his and he's not mine. I feel like a failure in all I've set out to do. I can't find work. I... » Continue Reading
Category: Writing and Poetry
October It's fall now and I want to crawl outside myself and into your mouth. I want to lick the sweet sap of your lies and feel full on maple air. When it gets cold, you won't need firewood, just light me up. At least you'll lean in closer to feel the warmth. @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Libre+Baskerville:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400&display=swap'); p{font-family: 'Libre » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
His arms are like forgiveness. That moment when he pulls me close to him and lets me nuzzle into the crook of his neck is a breath of air under water. It's like eating a warm meal after a day of going hungry. Perhaps my inability to forgive myself stems not only from letting him down, but myself down too. I can't do anything without making it a million times more difficult for myself including lo... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
God I cannot stand myself. I cannot stand my words or actions and neither can those around me. I should send myself off to some mental hospital somewhere and rot away or something I don't even care. I wish I thought before I spoke then I wouldn't hurt his feelings. He's the sweetest boy and I'm just the worst. It's no wonder he wouldn't marry me. He told me not to hurt myself out of the blue last... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
There's nobody home. Whether I'm small enough to fit in someone's arms or big enough that they push me away, that never really changes. My head hurts so bad and I'm so hungry but God I don't want to eat. I hate myself which is the worst of it all. I don't blame anyone for what they said to me last night I feel like I'm responsible for it all. I'm a fucking loser. I don't have anything to offer hi... » Continue Reading
— 1 Kudos
Category: Blogging
Having an itch at the back of your throat at school is the equivalent of being stripped of skin and doused in lemon juice. You either must face embarassment by coughing or twisting your face to do a pitiful job of hiding it. Yesterday, my mother found a kitten crossing the fourway intersection down by the hotel me and him booked a room at earlier this year. It can't be any more than six weeks old... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
I really suck when it comes down to self assurance or convincing myself I'm really worthy of anything I have. It doesn't matter how good things have been, if I find so much as something to perceive as bad, my mind takes it and runs until it's out of breath or blatantly proven wrong. I really do wish I could get genuine mental health help to learn how to live with such awful anxiety and all the wei... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
My free trial gym membership ends Thursday which absolutely sucks, but it's only Tuesday today so everything's all right. I'm thinking about ditching class today to go to the gym and while I'd scold anyone else for being so irresponsible, I think I need it. I'm just so done with uni and homework and anything else regarding it I feel so burnt out and midterms haven't even hit I don't know what to ... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
Alice Munro was so right when she wrote her story "Passion." Intimacy is not just limited to sex or even conventional ways like kissing or hugging. It's when we walk slowly to match each other's pace. It's when he sticks his tongue out after cracking a joke. It's when I read things off of signs for him when he can't see them from far away. It's the little things. Up until I met him, I believed qu... » Continue Reading
Category: Books and Stories
I started this one summer morning. It's kinda like an excerpt from a bigger story, but what that is I don't know. Maybe I'll make this idea into a full book one day, but I'll see. .profile-pic:before { content: url("https://www.clipartbest.com/cliparts/dc7/eyy/dc7eyybRi.png") » Continue Reading
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