Journal #34

For school, I'm reading My Year of Meats and I've grown very fond of the character Akiko and how she's written. While at first I was quite upset that I had to put The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Trip down until my essay on the book is finished, I'm very much enjoying this book too! Akiko isn't the main character of the book, and here's where I talk about spoilers (you've been warned), she's the wife of the main character's boss Joichi Ueno. 

I hate that man. The author's done a marvelous job at making me hate that man for his crimes against women and disdain for his own wife. Akiko is shy, once had a love for making guro manga, and suffers from bulimia. The way Ueno has gone about trying to cure her is the reason he got the job as director for the whole TV show the MC proposed but it's made very clear he detests Akiko and lacks respect for her due to things she cannot control. However, I find her to be a very beautiful woman. She finds odd comfort on her own and her emotional, physical, and mental struggles seem so real to me, it burns in my chest when Ueno harms her. I want to walk into her apartment and tell her she is noticed and seen and understood. I know what it's like to have an ED undermined by someone who swore they loved you and what it's like to have no one else understand how to help you and wish you away. I see much of my past loneliness in her and I just adore her character. 

Uni's gotten incredibly busy. Like super busy. Like I want to crawl back into bed and ignore everything busy. I've about two essays, one written project, and a bunch of final exams to finish all within less than a month. That's not including my draft and thesis I have to work on. Luckily, I feel much better this week. I find things are much more taxing when every breath drawn feels like the start of a heart attack. I just hope I can get through this week without crying over something, that would be the most relieving. On the plus side, I've got Thursday off and in person classes are almost over so I can dedicate my time to working on those projects full time. It'll be much easier when I don't have to worry about going into class on top of that. I might be able to take a few days and help Boyfriend out in Santa Monica with his new little business idea which is always nice. We can split a boba again and I'll pretend the cold air doesn't bother me. 

Thanksgiving's coming up too and me and my immediate family are just going to spend it at the house. Last year we spent it at my older cousin's but I'm really thankful we aren't spending it with any of my relatives this year. They are the worst to deal with and I just hope we stick by ourselves this year. Christmas too. I might also ditch and hang out with Boyfriend if he wants me to come over to his place and drink with him. My door's also open for him if he wants to come over and hang out. I don't think I could ever introduce him to my extended family they're not the best people. I honestly don't really mind it. Family's never been a huge core value of mine as I believe it's better to spend time with people you choose to spend time with. If that's you're family, great! But not everyone is fortunate enough to have an alright family like my immediate one and I think it's nice to have people you can spend holidays with even if you're not blood related.