what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... but only if you're kind of crazy about the idea of development and adaptation and you push your own limits with a slight romanticization of growth otherwise it really just kind of hurts well, it still does but at least i'm able to tell myself that meaningless hurting still has "value" in the same way my human character has value for what it is and what i... » Continue Reading
improvement sorta i did things differently towards the end of today. i'll explain it in a sec. but, in short, any intentional change in how i exist is an improvement at this point. today i: got up at 7:00 even though my uniform era is supposed to be over, i wore a boring outfit today. [cargo pants, miku tshirt, black hooded jacket.] i was exhausted and very sleep deprived so it made sense. got to ... » Continue Reading
current life summary wake up do shit if circumstances allow get tired fall behind give into temptation (i.e., gratifying time sinks) get tired lay in bed get consumed by regret repeat see, by the end of the day i have no more chances at redemption at least until evening there's still the opportunity to turn things around at night, the time is already gone i » Continue Reading
---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Francis Tran Date: Sun, Apr 20, 2025 at 2:28 PM Subject: An ex-writer's lamentation To: [my english teacher] Dear [my english teacher], » Continue Reading
even on spring break i can never catch a break and when i'm "free" i am supposed to spend every moment working on something and so naturally i become very escapist about things and spend hours playing videogames because i have no self control and because i feel the need to experience some semblance of high after an exhausting day of nothingness even though i would probably be perfectly content wi... » Continue Reading
hey diary (and the few people who see this), yesterday i wrote out a whole thing talking about my day but i didn't upload it for some reason and it all got deleted... basically, i worked a volunteer shift at a hospital, took a nap, had a great exhaustion experience and then splurged some hours on videogames instead of going to bed. then before going to bed i lamented in a bulletin about my existen... » Continue Reading
today was a short break from tragedy. today i: i got up i studied very hard i went to cc i probably failed that exam i went to lab i talked to professor about making up a ton of work and attributing my indiscipline to various emotional strains. she was chill about it i went to get food with family i took a nap sorta i went to church i cleaned out a dresser in my room that i plan on mo » Continue Reading
regrets i have many today is one gonna try to make sure that tomorrow isn't another i don't have the time or patience to write out my day so i'll just go ahead and say the punchline. » Continue Reading
today i: woke up at 7 but didn't get out of bed until 8:30 9 made breakfast further contemplations on my post-high school plans 10:30 drove to school with mom and sister skipped all classes to study 11:00 started studying 1:00 took a break for the next 2 hours i tried and failed to intermittently resume studying 3:30 drove home with mom 4:00 more room revamping 6:30 had t » Continue Reading
day 2 of spring break (monday) today i: woke up at 9:30 put away half of the dishes 10:00 met up at church to get talked at about stuff put away the other half of the dishes 10:30 started cleaning out my closet 11:00 left the house to get brunch with family somehow we were out until like 1:00 1:30 continued cleaning out my closet 5:30 food break 6:00 continued cleaning out my clo » Continue Reading
yesterday didn't count because i was so cooked yesterday today i: woke up at 8:30 9:00 went to church 10:00 got home, cleaned my room, ate breakfast with family 11:00 painted my nails with my little sister purist bedrotting 12:30 took a nap 2:00 started doing assignments 3:30 finished a psych discussion post and a short spanish essay not sure what happened here... 4:30 ate dinner with » Continue Reading
life update ! part 1. san diego trip sixteen students from my school's contemporary/rock music program toured through san diego this week. we left monday morning and returned friday evening. in summary, each day was roughly 12 hours of performing and exploring san diego and 12 hours hanging out in the hotel. we went everywhere as a group but the hotel rooms were divided up: 2 rooms for guys and 2... » Continue Reading
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