1) word vmoit: gender and internet [CLICK-->]

hello hello!

as you probably know my name is a francis. i think i'm nonbinary. gender has frustrated me so much that i think i should just settle on nonbinary.

i think a lot about my own suffering and the suffering of those who let me into their lives. 80% of this is scraping the internet for video diaries.

as you can imagine, i have landed in spacehey. digital diaries but with words.

i love words.

also, i actually shouldn't be writing this. what i should really be doing is studying art history to take a quiz due at 11:59 p.m., which is in about 4.5 hours. i should also be catching up in organic chemistry and AP statistics. i also have probably 7 unfinished art projects ranging from videos to collages to songs. i'm also slowly worrying my parents more and more with my irritability, which i believe arises from my constant burnout and consequent lust for more comfortable states. i also think the complex nature of my relationship with my dad makes improvement nearly impossible. also, i am worried that no universities will accept me or that i won't get scholarships anywhere. i'm also just failing the medium-high expectations i have for myself, which isn't great for my "identity" and "self esteem."

i grew up on youtube. i have more hours talking to people on discord and youtube than i have talking to my own family or friends. i fucking love videogames too.

i love so many things and unfortunately the internet is the most addicting thing on the list. somehow more addicting than loving myself and doing what i know feels better in the long run.

i will keep hating myself and sharing it on the internet.feedback loop... a bitter relationship.

i've said enough. i haven't hit backspace once and i'm not about to change that.

hello and goodbye to absolutely fucking nobody.

* bang *

p.s.

sorry that wasn't funny

p.p.s

someday soon i'll relearn html and my profile will reflect my identity better.

record player and baglama!!

12/1/24