So I talked about how today was shit, after lesson I stayed and LK stayed too but they were in another room so whatever. These past few days, more like weeks I've been staying at uni a lot more, I have that review and at home I do even less. I already have problems concentrating and shit but like at home I do twenty minutes and then completely give up cus my brain already wanna do other shit. So I... » Continue Reading
"I'm not made to communicate, I'm not made to socialize" these are the words I sent to purple a month ago. And I stand by them but the human nature is to reach out, to connects roots with other trees. And they just now make me reconsider thing. Reconsider going to events. Pride event is in two weeks. Not only I have to avoid my classmates but also I get the feeling of not going. Bc I'll be utterl... » Continue Reading
Tw sh mention I can't. I can't. Everything hurts so much. Everything tears me apart internally and nothing bleeds out and I try to not spit the blood and I try to not spill the tears and I'd be me the crocodile, yet being self aware of being the wrong cannot seem to keep me from feeling. And I hate feeling. And in a moment I'm still there yet everything feels away and maybe it's the music in my e... » Continue Reading
Still alive. This week feels shitty. Apart from getting period I just haven't been working as hard as I should on that final project but idk I just can't. Also I got super fucking bad cramps this month idk why. I want a hysterectomy lol. I'm so fucking tired of being who I am. And apart from dysphoria I mean a fucked up person that always makes nothing but mistakes. And I want attentions and love... » Continue Reading
I'll inject myself and distort my ribs and yet I'll look at the fat on my thighs and the daintiness of my hands and know nothing will change, my nature won't change, I won't change. And yet I'll crave the access to those things that deep down I don't think work » Continue Reading
Btw y'all who hate on monster and then drink redbull are dumb. Classic monster is battery acid? Redbull taste like berries mixed with gastric juice. It genuinely made me wanna threw up..l "the taste of redbull can't be described, it just tastes like redbull" bullshit. It tastes like nausea and that's it. White monster 4 life. It's called redbull cus a bull vomited into it. fucking hell. And it co... » Continue Reading
The depression + anxiety combo is so boring you just have no fucking motivation to do shit and also at random times there's a possibility you get overwhelmed by literally nothing and have to find an isolated place to sit down and hyperventilate for a few minutes and then there's the other possibility, way more frequent when you, always for no reason, out of nowhere feel the need to no longer exist... » Continue Reading
Today fucking sucks. I feel like shit. I want to stop existing. I hate being who I am and I hate not charging and I hate the pain it gives to me and others and I just wanna stop burning everything around me For how long can I ignore not finding ever peace? For how long can I pretend I'm fine and everything 's fine when it never has been, when I've never been I'm not bipolar I swear Despite what th... » Continue Reading
You made things hard to say You made yourself hard to save I can't hold on a rose with too many spikes and you've got no flower to show Down a cliff you've digged yourself Your feet in the air Your nails digging in my skin I'm bleeding and you're drinking it And I can't keep the grip And you won't help me lift you up So don't put the blame on me making me be the one to let go We know I ne » Continue Reading
So I haven't rlly updated on yk the whole situation that started in April cus simply there was no more update to do, it would just be me being like "I didn't talk to them either today, the pain of solitude is still present as always" and that's better for all parties involved Except today I got to school earlier than everyone else so I was alone in the building and looking at my phone to find a re... » Continue Reading
I'm fucking tired of having to check an entire epilepsy inducing, eye straining, hard to read anything at all blogs just to see your age between the neon flashing backgrounds and 59 blinkees cus even when I specifically put on my blog that I don't want to interact with a certain age range, 15 fucking year olds still fucking send me friend requests. ABOUT MEs ARE THERE FOR A FUCKING REASON FUCKING... » Continue Reading
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