Today fucking sucks. I feel like shit. I want to stop existing. I hate being who I am and I hate not charging and I hate the pain it gives to me and others and I just wanna stop burning everything around me
For how long can I ignore not finding ever peace?
For how long can I pretend I'm fine and everything 's fine when it never has been, when I've never been
I'm not bipolar
I swear
Despite what the old psychiatrist said
Despite my night meds I stopped taking anyway
I never woke up feeling like god
Insanity is a planet and mine just goes down south
I've woke up feeling like the devil
but I never fell from grace
and so I was like this since I was born
And yet everything around is burnt
And yet my insides are scorched
And yet every word I say withers people
And maybe I deserve being so depressed
But maybe even Satan cries and says sorry for making everything bad
cus he just wanted to not follow a plan
And I never believed any plan was made for me
And I never believed a life without plans was for me
But guilty tears won't melt Lucifer's horns
And mine do even less
Yet like a sinner waiting for the whip
I get on my knees and say
Sorry for being here,
sorry for existing
I swear I never planned surviving this long
but I'm too much of a coward to go meet god
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