I swear I'm not bipolar

Today fucking sucks. I feel like shit. I want to stop existing. I hate being who I am and I hate not charging and I hate the pain it gives to me and others and I just wanna stop burning everything around me

For how long can I ignore not finding ever peace?

For how long can I pretend I'm fine and everything 's fine when it never has been, when I've never been

I'm not bipolar

I swear

Despite what the old psychiatrist said 

Despite my night meds I stopped taking anyway 

I never woke up feeling like god 

Insanity is a planet and mine just goes down south

I've woke up feeling like the devil 

but I never fell from grace

and so I was like this since I was born

And yet everything around is burnt 

And yet my insides are scorched

And yet every word I say withers people 

And maybe I deserve being so depressed 

But maybe even Satan cries and says sorry for making everything bad 

cus he just wanted to not follow a plan

And I never believed any plan was made for me 

And I never believed a life without plans was for me

But guilty tears won't melt Lucifer's horns 

And mine do even less

Yet like a sinner waiting for the whip 

I get on my knees and say

Sorry for being here, 

sorry for existing

I swear I never planned surviving this long

but I'm too much of a coward to go meet god