About socialization or lack of it

"I'm not made to communicate, I'm not made to socialize" these are the words I sent to purple a month ago. And I stand by them but the human nature is to reach out, to connects roots with other trees. And they just now make me reconsider thing. Reconsider going to events. 

Pride event is in two weeks. Not only I have to avoid my classmates but also I get the feeling of not going. Bc I'll be utterly alone. And if I try to socialize, I'll have a guilt inside cus I know I shouldn't be doing this, cus I know I'm not made to communicate, I'm not made to socialize and I'll fuck up everything in less than two weeks and then it'll just be another name to scratch on my metal tag necklace of people I lost, people I have in my conscience cus I hurt. And I continue to walk, but have no reason to do so.