This one is for my psychologist, frankly. For context, I do not experience empathy. When a kid screams, my first instinct is to scream back and make it shut up. I am objectively selfish and can do awful things without feeling guilt. I generally do not like company. It is exhausting for me to be with most of my friends. My friendships are more like alliances than mutual affectionate connections. I... » Continue Reading
Callie. She was my mental hospital sister. She was the big bat and I was the baby bat. She would understand. She would try to protect me. Red hairs and a dragon disposition!! Are all redheads protective? Anyways. Callie. Where did she go? Where did they put her? Did she ever leave cedar springs? Was she ever at cedar springs? 2am in the milieu. Rockin around radio headset dance party with Callie. ... » Continue Reading
Today is the unwinding of all things. Today is when I must talk to an army of doctors about how I see things other people cannot. I am skipping group. I am confused. I am on the loose! I am also bald. Sadly, my effort to mask my brain-drilling lice as delusion did not work. My effort to mask the desire to shave my head as part of my plan for self-induced ego death also did not work. Things are all... » Continue Reading
First of all, tragically, I have managed to log into spacehey via the chrome app on my phone. I sincerely wish the best of luck to all of my friends, digital and otherwise. This is an unholy development because I have decided not to shut up ever. Anyways- ego death: what if I shaved my head (but kept about an inch of hair) and after a frigid cleansing, took the bus to the nearest expiring suburba... » Continue Reading
Medicated alert. It's 9pm and I am going to sleep. Truly these people have me so doped up that I can barely think. What a shame (or something) » Continue Reading
I would appreciate it greatly if my silly little elitist playlist (elder goth variety) would quit skipping. Today I unleashed my wrath upon a certain Westfield mall. The result of that was twenty-four US dollars spent on a small, round toy bat. I saw my dear friend. I am already picturing the face she makes with her mouth wide open and her eyes shut like fists. I'll take it with me. It can be free... » Continue Reading
I can't talk to my dear friend (one beloved pup!!!) and I cannot listen to the world. I have some kind of snake-wool in my ears which distorts everything I hear and turns it to plasma-sound. May the lord forgive my hyphenations. The point is that I need to start reading Valley of the Dolls as soon as possible or I will dissolve like candyfloss in water. Today in family rounds, my mother made lege... » Continue Reading
Currently I am in art therapy cosplaying as a real person. I have not been that and I will not be that. Last night my downstairs neighbor distributed an assembly of text messages so forcibly poetic that I decided to report him to the authorities. Perhaps if I pretended to be stupid I things could be easier. Perhaps if I pretended to be stupid I could build myself a smooth, pale blue, icy barrier ... » Continue Reading
the longer i think about it, the more upset i get. i know i'm gonna have to live on disability benefits when i get older because i dont wanna be dependent on my family forever but my autism/adhd/ocd combo (the holy trinity of neurodevelopmental disasters) makes me unable to function in any kind of high stakes situation. Like. i can't always talk, and when i do, it's totally exhausting. i'm messy, ... » Continue Reading
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