annihilating my sense of self (sober ego death)

Anyways- ego death: what if I shaved my head (but kept about an inch of hair) and after a frigid cleansing, took the bus to the nearest expiring suburban mall? What about that? What if I simply observed the maddening complexity of the world and released my illusion of separation from it? 

I have a theory that my struggle to present a genuine identity could be completely dissolved if I ceased presenting identity at all. There is no such thing as “being yourself” in the active sense. The self simply is- there is no possible action to make the self more vibrant or truer. I am an animal made out of cells, propelled my atoms, conjured from the ashes of dead gods. Why am I even remotely concerned that i should run out of perfume? Why am I worried when my skirt flips up in the wind? The skirt and the wind and the perfume are all teeth in the mouth of one beast. 

Is it possible to disintegrate one’s sense of self without drugs? If I got high, I feel like that would be cheating. If I killed myself, that would defeat the whole purpose. I want to experience a more vivid, unobscured consciousness, not a lack of it. 

Xoxo