losing my mind for fun.

Perhaps if I pretended to be stupid I things could be easier. Perhaps if I pretended to be stupid I could build myself a smooth, pale blue, icy barrier above my consciousness to seal in all my maladies. Perhaps if I pretended to be stupid with enough force of will, I could practice genuine compassion for the sufferers I love instead of being secretly envious of their narrative arcs. How cruel is that? How cruel is that! One question and one exclamation. 

Breaking news!! I am unbearably ashamed of my music taste! I am starting to understand where miss cass was coming from. I will not be sharing my goth playlist with the class on this day. I will not. They are not ready for it. That is my opinion. AKA: I am so easily shattered. AKA: I am a lamb drilled and swollen with parasites. 

I am a lamb drilled and swollen with parasites. 

I am a lamb drilled and swollen with parasites. 

I am a lamb drilled and swollen with parasites. 

It feels correct to say it. Remember: remember!! When as a mottled teenager encrusted with pink sores, drowning in secondhand cottons, I watched Flowers in the Attic? 

It's not that I SHOULD read. It's that I MUST! I have lost all things on the internet. What a hideous place. 

Things to do: 

Delete tik tok + any imprint of myself on tik tok

delete instagram+ any evidence of any posts 

delete snapchat. Keep profile around  just in case

delete pinterest? And any evidence of self? 

Scour iphone for any presence, any trace, and obliterate. Search and destroy.